Revenge of the Cameraman
by starvingartist83
Summary: Sequel to Eastern Exploits and Black Holes And Revelations. As Roxanne plans for her wedding to our blue hero, a figure from the past reminds them that some things, however trivial they seem at the time, really ought not be forgotten...
1. Chapter 1

I really must stop writing Megamind fics. But they are so much fun aren't they?

This one is the third I've written in a sequence. 'Eastern Exploits' and 'Black Holes And Revalations' came first. It really is better if you read them first, but if you can't be bothered here's the important stuff…

Roxanne and Megamind are now engaged, living at New Not Evil Lair and about to get married, about six months after Megamind saved the world from a swirling vortex of doom.

During Megamind's mission, he accidently let most of the prisoners at Metro City Penitentiary escape.

Minion met a lovely Coi-fish hench-woman named Shiyounin from Japan and they spawned two offspring.

Music Man (formerly known as Metro Man) has struck up a friendship with our blue hero and is currently on tour with an iPod/Brainbot hybrid named iBot.

I hope you enjoy, people. More chapters are to come!

Prologue

"Hello? Hello is this thing on? Helloo..." The round-faced ginger-haired man sat down in front of the webcam. "Good morning bloggers. As you know I'm Hal Stewart and this is my one hundred and seventeenth day of freedom from that hell-hole of a prison they put me in, simply because they couldn't handle the awesomeness that is me." He took a swig out of his can of energy drink and continued. "I had to go out and get supplies today, I held up a 7-11 and boy was the dumbass behind the counter scared. I mean seriously scared he like almost shit his pants. God it was great!" He sat back in his chair with his fingers laced behind his head. "I'm done with the small stuff now though. It's been great so far. Got me some cash and a sweet place to stay but now I've got some shit I need to take care of." For a moment he almost looked like his superhuman self with glinting reddish-brown eyes as he glared into the camera. "This crap-hole of a city has been putting me down for years, but that's okay. The police, the guards and that jailhouse shrink with the sweet ass were all just doing their jobs. Megamind though..." He sat forward as though the blue alien were actually there. "You made a fool out of me. For no reason. You built me up and then you tore me down, treated me like garbage. And Roxanne." His eyes narrowed and he licked his lips. "You led me on, prancing around like the slut you are in those short skirts. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for both of you. You think I needed those super powers? I'm smarter than all of you. You've been warned." He smiled and sat back again. "Stay tuned, bloggers, and watch the news. You'll be hearing from me soon."

He hit a button and the screen went blank.

Chapter 1

Megamind cornered the fugitive in an alleyway he knew was a dead end. He got off his hover-bike, took off his helmet and carried it under his arm.

The alley was mostly dark shadow and his target was nowhere in sight.

"Abe? Come on out I know you don't want to hurt me." He called. There was no answer, save the dripping of water into filthy puddles. He sighed. "Abe. I saw you come down here. We both know you're in the dumpster. Come on out." There was a rustling sound and a short, squat figure climbed out of the dumpster a few yards away from Megamind. His glare was clearly visible in the glow of the headlight of the hover-bike.

"All right, _hero_, I give myself up." He said. Megamind took note of the man's grey beard and bald head. This particular capture gave him no satisfaction.

"Damnit Abe why did you have to escape? You were due for release in two weeks! Now they're going to keep you in for I don't know how long!" he sighed as he took out his handcuffs. The grubby old man scowled at him.

"There was a hole in the wall. I escaped. In case you don't remember that's what prisoners do. It's our duty to escape."

"That's prisoners of war, not prisoners of Metro City Penitentiary who are convicted on charges of armed robbery."

"This is war." Abe snarled. Megamind put the cuffs on him but not too tight. "It's been a war since they put me away the first time! You used to understand that."

"You've been out three times, and every time you get sent back. Why can't you just stop being evil?" Megamind asked.

"We don't all have unlimited means and a gorgeous gal to show us the error of our ways, Blue. You know as well as I do when you're out, and you're cold and hungry and no one will give you a job or a chance you've got to take what you want!" he said. "They'll let me out in a few weeks. They'll put me in a shelter and give me food vouchers to last me a month or so and then I'm on my own again. What then?" he snapped. Megamind looked at him and saw one of the kindly men who taught him to walk, and talk, and who kept him safe for the first half of his life. His uncle, one of many he had tracked down and returned to prison over the last five months or so.

"I don't know." Megamind said as he put Abe on the back of his hover-bike and put his own helmet on the man's head. It was way too big but it would keep him safe. Abe wouldn't meet his gaze.

"Well it looks like your life is turning out okay. Hero of Metro City, getting married in a week, you've got it all don't you?" Megamind looked at the dirty, wet man and sighed.

"Yeah." He said as he revved the engine.

With a heavy heart, he took his uncle back to prison.

Megamind parked the bike, took off his helmet and walked quietly inside. It was past midnight and he had warned Roxanne it may be a long night. He took the long way home hoping the ride through the city would make him feel better. It did. Slightly.

He intended to creep inside unnoticed but spotted the light on in the little-used dining-room and had to investigate.

There, asleep at the dining table with her head pillowed on her laptop keyboard still clutching a half-drunk cup of coffee was Roxanne. Megamind smiled. To anyone else she would have looked hard at work but he knew what she had been up to.

He walked over to her, took off his spiked leather gloves, and gently stroked her hair.

"Roxanne?" He ventured. She let out an incoherent mumble. "Roxanne? Wake up."

"Chicken!" she sat up with a jolt, causing Megamind to give a small (but infinitely manly) scream and jump back. "Chicken and white wine sauce! No mushrooms for Aunt Joyce, she can't have mushrooms." Her eyes were wide and glassy. Megamind got back up again.

"Who's allergic to mushrooms?" Megamind wondered.

"Not allergic. Did too many mushrooms during the 70's and now she stars screaming at the sight of them." Roxanne's blue eyes were glassy and unfocused. Megamind gingerly touched her arm.

"Roxanne? Wake up Roxanne." She blinked a few times.

"What are you doing home? You said you were going to be late." She said.

"It's after midnight." he said with a smile. Her hair was all messy and standing straight up on one side. He brushed it down with his fingers.

"Oh." She looked back at her laptop. "I've just got to send this e-mail off to the caterer and then I'll be up." She turned back to her computer. Megamind raised one eyebrow.

"No." He lifted her into his arms and she gave a little squeal. "You're in my clutches now Miss Ritchie!" he said happily and started walking towards the stairs.

"No! Put me down I have stuff to do!" She protested.

"Quiet or I'll tie you up again." He said. She gave one last longing look at her computer and then turned back to her fiancé. That didn't sound so bad, it had been a while since they'd gotten out the ropes.

"No! Put me down I need to choose soup!" she protested.

"Right. That's it." He stomped up the stairs.

The next morning Roxanne woke early, pulled on a pair of jeans and a tank and crept downstairs. There it was. Her laptop. Ready and waiting for her to use the awesome power of e-mail to ensure everything about her wedding was organised and perfect.

She e-mailed the caterer about Aunt Joyce's aversion to mushrooms and then confirmed that the dessert was going to be peanut-free for her colleague Harry Newman (as much as she was tempted to ask them to sneak some peanuts into his ice-cream...he was that incompetent!) and that her parents were to be seated on a table on her side of the wedding party and not Megamind's (they still weren't comfortable with her marrying a retired megalomaniac) and that Minion's partner Shiyounin had requested hers and Minion's offspring were seated at the kid's table rather than with the wedding party (even fish parents needed a break sometimes).

Shiyounin really needed one more dress fitting to make her look just that little more normal (maybe a wig might help? Roxanne was at a loss) and she had to confirm Megamind's, Music Man's and Minion's suit fittings (The store owner had nearly had a coronary when she gave him their measurements over the phone). She made her way to the kitchen for coffee, and to her surprise Shiyounin was already in there measuring out dried shrimp. She spun around and looked at Roxanne from the back of her suit's dome.

"Konichiwa, Miss Ritchie." She said pleasantly with a small bow in her white robotic suit.

"Konichiwa Shiyounin. Please call me Roxanne?" she had been trying to get the pretty little coi fish to use her first name for months now. Shiyounin bobbed her head up and down as she always did.

"Of course Miss Ritchie." She replied. Roxanne sighed. "Would you like some coffee?"

"Sounds like a plan." Roxanne yawned and went over to the espresso machine. Shiyounin stopped her and waved her over to a stool at the breakfast bar.

"I make coffee. Sit." She said. Roxanne did as she was told. She looked down and saw Minion's and Shiyounin's offspring, Rei and Minion Junior, sitting in their little travel spheres on the breakfast bar. Both were silently crying with bubbles floating out of their mouths. "Yes, yes little ones breakfast is coming." Shiyounin said as she set the espresso machine to work and then scooped some of the little shrimp out of the container. She popped the lids up on their spheres and dropped the food in. Immediately the little fish, now almost a third the size of their parents, began gobbling their breakfast. Roxanne smiled and watched them.

"How are their walking lessons going?" she asked. Megamind had helped customise two of the thigh-high Japanese-style robot suits that Shiyounin's former mistress had invented for the little fish to use.

"Is good." Shiyounin handed her a coffee and then opened up a section of her suit and poured her coffee and some shrimp inside. She pushed a button and the compartment retracted, sending the food and coffee floating into her dome. The water discoloured and Shiyounin sighed happily. "Ahhh. Coffee." She said. Roxanne smiled and took a sip of hers. Maybe they weren't so different after all. She eyed the fish's white enamel robotic suit and sighed. She still didn't know how she was going to manage to dress this fish for the wedding.

Megamind walked into the kitchen in his black hero suit. He kissed Roxanne and then kissed Shiyounin on the dome, placing his hand on her cool, hard midsection.

"Good morning ladies." Roxanne rolled her eyes. This weird flirting thing he and the fish had going was getting just a little bit creepy. Shiyounin laughed prettily.

"Good morning Mega Mind. Would you like some breakfast?" she asked. Megamind eyed the table in front of them.

"Coffee yes. I'll pass on the dry shrimp."

"Is good." Shiyounin said, gulping down another one that had been floating in her dome and taking another deep breath of coffee. Megamind poured himself a coffee and the doorbell rang.

"I'll go." Megamind said and went to answer the door. He looked at his watch. 8am. Who would be visiting him at this time of day?

He opened the door and he felt that strange combination of dread and delight that came with seeing the Warden.

"Warden! You just can't stay away from me can you?" he said with a smug grin. He couldn't resist baiting the man. The Warden gave him a flat stare.

"We need to talk." He said and walked past him into the house. Megamind could see Shiyounin and Roxanne talking animatedly about the wedding. He gestured to the couch.

"Have a seat. Do you want some coffee?"

"No thanks. And I meant in private." Megamind glanced at the females in the kitchen.

"They're in wedding mode. They can't hear what you're saying. Watch this." He cleared his throat and said loudly: "What? The world is ending?" They kept talking. "Seven storey lizard heading this way?" still nothing. Megamind grinned. "Flowers!" Both females snapped their heads up and looked in his direction.

"Blue and white roses." Roxanne said automatically while Shiyounin added.

"Picking them up at 7:30 am on morning of wedding." Satisfied they had the flowers under control they went back to discussing seating plans. The Warden blinked and shook his head. He sat down, apparently satisfied.

"Okay...anyway. Since the prison escape of five months ago," he gave Megamind a glare. Technically Megamind supposed it _probably_ had been his fault, but it had been an accident. "We have recovered all but one prisoner. Hal Stewart." Megamind frowned. He had been given the names of all the prisoners who were considered a bigger than average threat, or harder to track down than the others.

"Metrosity PD was meant to be handling Hal. He was considered low-risk."

"He is basically an idiot. We didn't think he would be this hard to catch but so far he just seems to have disappeared."

"Maybe he's left the city." Megamind guessed, not really concerned. "He's no threat to anyone, not without his super powers." The Warden fingered the manila folder he had brought with him. He sighed.

"We don't think he's left Metro City. There was a hold up of a 7-11 yesterday and the security camera showed a guy who looked a lot like him."

"A fat nerd? They aren't in short supply you know." The Warden's expression was serious.

"He's not leaving the city Megamind. I didn't want to show you these but..." he handed Megamind the folder. He opened it up and glanced at the photographs inside.

"Hal's prison cell. We photographed it before we re-painted after he escaped." Megamind wordlessly flipped through them. The cell was plastered with posters of Roxanne. Over all of it was poorly-drawn graffiti of her in some fairly explicit pornographic positions. After the third picture Megamind put them back in the folder.

"Okay...I see those prison art classes are still popular as ever." He tried to joke but his heart wasn't in it. The Warden glanced at Roxanne.

"He'll come for her. The police can't find him. You need to track him down as soon as you can." Megamind sighed.

"You're right." This on top of the wedding next week was not doing wonders for his stress levels. If he had hair it would probably turn grey over the next week.

"You could ask the chief of police for a few officers to keep an eye on things around here." The Warden suggested. Megamind shook his head.

"I have my own security. He could never get past the brainbots." Megamind said. The Warden stood up.

"All right. I'd better head off now I actually have prisoners to watch over." He said. Megamind stood up.

"About Abe..." he began. The Warden sighed.

"He escaped Megamind. I can't just let that go." Megamind gave him his 'sad eyes'. It used to work (occasionally) when he was younger. The Warden raised an eyebrow.

"That stopped working a long time ago." He said. Megamind blinked. "Okay, okay. He can do his two weeks and I'll release him." Megamind smiled.

"Thanks." He walked the older man outside.


	2. Chapter 2

Did I mention I love reviews?

Chapter 2

"Hal?" the woman's voice called from the other room. Hal grimaced and kept playing WOW.

"I'm in the middle of something babe!" He called back. His avatar, Tighten, the seven-foot tall barbarian, was kicking some elf's ass. She came into the room.

"Hal I'm going to bed." She said.

"Okay. Goodnight." He said. His health was running low but he'd get that elf...

She touched his shoulder.

"I kinda though maybe you'd want to..."

"Ow fuck! What the hell babe?" His avatar died. "You made me die!" She let go of his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." She said. He calmed himself down. He needed her for now. Instead of turning around and making her sorry he fixed a smile on his face.

"It's okay honey. It's just a game." She looked nervous. He stood up and took her hands in his. She was wearing a short black silky nightie that left little to the imagination. He looked her up and down. Her hair was straight and black. Her eyes were brown and lined with heavy black. She had piercings in her ears and her nose. Her skin was pale. And her body...

Was wrong. All wrong. Her breasts were too big and although her ass was about the right size she didn't have the narrow waist he had wanted ever since he started working as _her_ cameraman.

But she wasn't here. That Roxanne was off fucking an alien. This was his Roxanne. Roxanne Rogers. He remembered the first time he had seen her name his stomach had lurched and his cock had hardened. No one wrote to him in prison. He wasn't notorious enough to attract groupies like some of the other prisoners, so he had been surprised to get mail. He had torn it open and read;

_Dear Hal,_

_ I saw you on the TV. It's so unfair what they did to you. I don't think you're a bad guy. If Megamind hadn't tried making you a super hero then you never would have done the stuff they arrested you for. I know you don't know me but I'd like to get to know the real Hal. Please write back?_

_ Your friend (hopefully),_

_ Roxanne Rogers._

He was more than interested. He didn't get a lot of female attention at the best of times let alone here in prison (even the men hadn't approached him, thanks to his solitary confinement) He read it over and over again. He was disappointed (of course) once he read her last name but still...He read it again, licked his thumb and then rubbed it over that last word, over and over again until it was smudged out and the letter was now signed; _Roxanne R_.

And here she stood in front of him.

"You're right babe. Let's go to bed." He said and grabbed her ass under the nightie. It was round and filled his hand nicely. He pressed his mouth to hers and jammed his tongue in her mouth. Still locked together they made their way through her tiny apartment to the bedroom and she started pulling his clothes off him. He was feeling good about this. Maybe tonight he'd last long enough to switch to doggy style. That would be awesome.

They had been fucking for nearly six months now. He knew her address from their correspondence so as soon as he'd escaped he'd found her place, and that night he'd finally gotten laid for the first time ever. And it had been great, best minute and a half of his life, but at the end of it he'd felt empty, and he knew why.

This wasn't the Roxanne he wanted. _Soon_, he told himself. And in the meantime he got to stay here with this dumb bitch paying the bills and getting him off while he fantasised about the woman he really wanted. He pushed Fake Roxanne down on the bed and thrust himself inside her, eliciting a small gasp.

"Oh Hal." She moaned. He shut his eyes.

"Roxanne. You're gonna feel so good." He whispered and began to fuck her.

Roxanne sipped coffee and read over the story she was due to report on later on in the day. With Megamind consulting with the Metro City PD these days there wasn't a lot of crime going on. Today's top story: An armed hold-up of a 7-11. She had been lucky to get it too. Her nemesis Harry Newman was reporting on the third-biggest cake ever baked for Metro City Elementary School's annual cake festival. She read it aloud, trying to make it sound more exciting than it really was.

"At 11 o'clock at night the 7-11 on the corner of eighth and twelfth streets was held up by an armed assailant. According to the security camera the gunman burst into the store, terrorizing the clerk and demanded goods and cash. He then vandalised the premises before leaving. The trauma the clerk must have suffered is indescribable." She deepened her voice and changed her accent to a drawl. "Yeah Roxanne, it was a horrific ordeal. I could see murder in the man's eyes and I wondered if I would ever see my family again." She went back to speaking normally. "This was once a city where citizens could feel safe in their homes, workplaces and even walking the street at night. When an innocent man is attacked in his place of business you have to ask: what has society come to?" she finished up. There was a giggle behind her. She turned to see Barbara, her new camera-person, holding a bunch of red roses. She was a pretty girl with dark red hair and thick black glasses. She was dressed in bright red jeans and a white jacket and some fairly bold makeup and a few piercings. Yet in spite of her appearance she was painfully shy with most people. It had taken Roxanne a few months to coax her into a friendship, and the girl had been somewhere between elated and panicked when Roxanne had asked her to be a bridesmaid for the wedding. "What's so funny?" she asked.

"That accent was terrible. And the 'gunman' only got away with $200 and a tube of Pringles." Barbie laughed. Roxanne glared at her and then sighed.

"He got a four-pack of Red Bull too. But yeah I know it's lame. What have you got there? Who's been sending you flowers?" Roxanne's nosey reporter instincts kicked in. She had never known the girl to so much as look a man in the eye let alone date one. Barb blushed.

"They're for you. The lobby asked me to bring them up while I was down there." Roxanne raised her eyebrows and then smiled. Megamind usually sent her blue, white or black roses when he sent flowers, and he hadn't done it in a while. She knew she was giving that goofy grin again but didn't care. Five days! It was five days until the wedding, five days until she married the sweetest alien on the planet.

"Thanks Barbie!" she sat the flowers beside her computer monitor. "Oh and don't forget we have that fitting this afternoon." Barbie nodded.

"Have you figured out how to dress Shiyounin yet?" she asked. For such a shy girl she was unusually comfortable around talking robot fish. Although every time Megamind was in the room Barbie would blush, mumble and find somewhere else to be. Roxanne shook her head sadly. "Why not just let her go as she is? No one would mind and her white suit would look great with the flowers."

"I'll think about it." Roxanne lied. "Come on, we have a clerk to interview."

"At 11 o'clock last night the 7-11 on the corner of eighth and twelfth was held up by an armed assailant. According to the security camera the gunman burst into the store, terrorizing the clerk and demanded goods and cash." Roxanne attempted to keep up the dramatic tone of voice but it was difficult. The 'gunman' on the CCTV footage was a short, overweight man dressed in dark clothes, a hooded jacket and ski-mask, which he couldn't quite seem to see out of properly. The gun was an obvious fake even on the crappy black and white footage. She continued with her relentless pursuit of The Story. "He then vandalised the premises before leaving." The footage showed the criminal apparently trip on the way out witha bag of snacks and cash in hand, and knock over a display of candy. "The trauma the clerk must have suffered is indescribable." She turned to the clerk, a small older man who wore glasses and looked bored.

"Not really. I get robbed at least once a month." He said. There was an awkward silence. "Um...still having a weapon pointed at you, the threat of death and the constant reminder of moral decay in this city must be trying." She prompted. He shrugged.

"Meh. I'm covered by insurance." He said. Roxanne screamed inwardly but forced a concerned look onto her face, trying to sound convincing. "This was once a city where citizens could feel safe in their homes, workplaces and even walking the street at night. When an innocent man is attacked in his place of business you have to ask: what has society come to?" She motioned 'cut' to Barbie. She thanked the clerk who shrugged again and went back to work.

Back at the office two more bunches of flowers had been delivered, this time a mix of blue and black, and another bunch of red were sitting on her desk. She smiled. Megamind always seemed to know when she needed cheering up.

"I'm off Roxanne. I'll meet you at the store for the fitting. Oh and don't forget, we're meeting at the bar at eight tomorrow night for your hens night!" Barbie said excitedly. Roxanne shook her head.

"Do we really need to go through that? Can't we just have a few quiet drinks?" Roxanne asked. Barbie shrugged.

"Shiyounin organised it. Talk to her! See you later." She waved and she left. Roxanne sighed and got. The six o'clock news was on a big screen at the other end of the office. She may as well stay to watch.

She sat on someone's desk and watched Chris the anchor introduce the program and announce her story. It was the top story of the day. Roxanne shook her head. Maybe she should ask Megamind if she could tag along on some hero business or something. She cringed at the awkward back and forth between herself and the clerk and then chuckled at the CCTV footage. That guy really was a candidate for World's Dumbest Criminals. She wondered if she'd seen this footage before somewhere, the guy looked familiar. The story finished up and Chris announced the Metro City Elementary School's annual cake fair and Roxanne got up. This she was _not_ staying for.

She had a robotic fish to dress.

"Come on. Come on that's it Rei you're doing really well!" Minion said. He was down on one knee with Rei a few feet away in her little black robot suit. She waved her fin at him from the dome of her suit. "Come on. Walk to Daddy!" She smiled and swam around in a circle. He detached her dome from the suit and cuddled the glass sphere in his metal arms. "Great try." He said. He looked down at where Minion Junior was clutching his leg. Junior couldn't walk either but he had figured out how to use the arms. He grinned up at his father and let out a few bubbles.

[[How are they doing?]] Shiyounin asked in Japanese. She was insisting their offspring be raised bi-lingual.

"Pretty good. It's a start anyway. They're only young yet. Human babies still can't sit up at their age." Said Minion.

[[True. They're such slow creatures aren't they?]] she commented. [[I'm going out. Tell Megamind I've borrowed his hover bike?]] she asked. Minion raised what passed for a fish's eyebrow.

"Um, where are you going, how long will you be and can you even ride the hoverbike?" Minion asked. Even he had never been game to ride the thing.

[[Dress fitting with Miss Ritchie. I don't know how long I'll be, as long as it takes for her to figure out how to make me look like a human I guess. Oh and I'm going out tomorrow night too. It's Roxanne's hens night.]] she said.

"Why do you have a better social life than me?" he asked sadly.

[[Why not throw Megamind a bachelor party?]] she suggested. Minion perked up.

"That's a great idea. Okay, the day after tomorrow you're on babysitting duty!" he said excitedly. Oh the ideas were coming to his head already!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 is now up! Thankyou, whitealmond, for the heads up about the hens night! I will be changing all future references to 'bachelorette party' and change the other chapters when I can be bothered. It's hard for an Aussie like me who doesn't speak American

Disclaimer: I don't own Megamind. If I did I wouldn't mind him wearing a cape to our wedding!

Chapter 3

Megamind had been hoping Roxanne would be home early but come 9 o'clock she was still out. He didn't understand women. Even with their odd proportions he, Minion and Wayne were fitted into their suits in one afternoon. This was the third time Roxanne had dragged her unfortunate friends along to try on dresses. He sighed and ate his dinner alone. Normally Minion cooked when he was home but these days he was busy with his kids. Megamind looked mournfully at his leftover pizza. It looked as though his life was changing in ways he hadn't expected. He gulped with the realisation that he might actually have to learn how to cook.

Finally, an hour later, Roxanne came through the front door. She smiled tiredly at Megamind when he got up to hug her. She leaned into him while expertly avoiding the spikes on his shoulders.

"Is it all done then?" Megamind asked. She glanced at the leftover pizza on the dinner table. _No!_ She wouldn't. She had given up carbs three months ago and she was _not_ going to ruin her diet now. Megamind noticed the mournful look she gave the pizza and sighed inwardly. Much to his dismay she had lost that delightfully round rear end of hers about a month ago and he had speculated she would fit into one of his own hero suits now. His mind started to wander at the thought of her in his leather suit... those curves that were gone but not forgotten stretching through the hips and spilling over where the zipper couldn't be done up over her breasts…_focus Megamind! _

"Just about. Barbie and I are done. The dressmaker suggested a flesh-coloured body suit to go under Shiyounin's dress." Megamind guided her to the sofa and pulled her down into it with him where she sat with her arms around his waist and head pillowed on his chest.

"Why not just let her come as she is, maybe with some flowers or something?" Megamind wondered.

"I'll think about it." Roxanne answered in that automated way that meant she had no intention of thinking about it. He sighed.

"Well everything else is organised. Food, cars, venue, music..." Roxanne grimaced. She was less happy than he was about Wayne proclaiming himself and his new side-kick iBot as their band. "I just need to get my white cape dry-cleaned and I'm set." Roxanne sat up.

"Cape?" she asked. He nodded.

"The white one we st-_borrowed_ from Wayne. I'm having it cleaned tomorrow." She pulled away from him.

"You're not seriously wearing that thing are you?"

"Of course. I wear it to special occasions. This is more special than most." She pulled away from him and mumbled something about a shower.

Megamind could tell when he was in trouble these days.

"What's wrong? What did I do?" he asked. Roxanne shook her head and paused.

"I want the wedding to be _normal_, Megamind. I want just one day without spikes or explosions or flamethrowers, machines, robots, leather suits or capes. Is that so much to ask?" she snapped. Megamind felt the need to point out the obvious.

"Well...your bridesmaid is a fish in a robotic suit. As is my best man. The band is a tone-deaf retired superhero and a brainbot-turned-DJ. My car is invisible. Your Aunty Joyce screams at mushrooms and by the way, _the groom is an alien_. Just how _normal_ do you think it can be?"

"A white cape, Megamind? Why not just show up in your big robot suit!" Megamind glared.

"I just might. And you know what? _It'll be wearing a cape!_" He turned to storm out. "You're wearing a white dress and no one's saying out loud how ridiculous _that_ is." He muttered under his breath, and then instantly knew he'd gone too far. He could practically feel lasers shooting out of her eyes into the back of his head.

"Well forgive me for not being a 40 year old virgin." She taunted. He paused, feeling physically winded by that low blow.

"Actually I was 35. And it was because I never found anyone I wanted to be with, and then you came along. And I fell in love with you and you fell for me _as I was_; short, skinny, big-headed and blue wearing a cape. Now you're ashamed of me for being who I am? Figure out what you want, Roxanne." He whirled around, his cape flying out behind him mocked her as he left.

"Wait Megamind." She began, but he wasn't in the mood.

"Forget it. I've got work to do." He lied and went downstairs to his lab.

Once he was there he looked around. It was cold and damp, just the way he used to love his old Evil Lair. He was used to warm now. Warm and soft, comfortable and loved.

Now warm and soft was screaming at him. Cold and damp was looking good for tonight.

He whistled and summoned some brainbots.

"Pyjamas." He commanded, and they did as they were told. A curtain appeared out of nowhere, he was tossed around for a bit and he was wearing a black set with moons and stars on them. He grinned. The matching cape (which he now delighted in wearing) was as snug as a blanket and he sat back in his perfectly ergonomic chair.

His mind raced at the first major fight he and Roxanne had ever had. He had thought he would be more torn up about it but he was just angry. He knew he was right, and she was being completely insane with this whole Bridezilla thing she had going and he wasn't going to back down about the one thing he had insisted on for this ridiculous wedding business.

"Brainbots, dim the lights." He called out. They did as they were told. A couple came and sat by his feet and one made its way into his lap. He stroked its dome while the fight played over in his head. All the things he said. All the things she said. All the things he'd wished he'd had the wit to say at the time and was now kicking himself...and finally a rotten feeling in his gut when he realised that this would all need to be resolved sooner or later. He put it out of his mind and instead began counting robotic sheep jumping over a force field in an effort to get to sleep.

"One...two..._jump higher! Zap!_ Oh well..three..." After a while his eyes seemed to close of their own accord and he drifted into sleep.

Roxanne arrived at work the next day tired, cranky and hungry. Her breakfast had been a tub of non-fat reduced-sugar yoghurt that made her wonder why she had bothered. She had barely slept the night before. Their fight just kept on playing over and over in her head. She was still angry. Why could he not see how much having this one, normal day meant to her? She loved him. She was ready to spend the rest of her life with him. She had accepted the invisible car, the alligator enclosure, the brainbots, Minion and family, the hover-bike and the occasional apocalyptic disaster that meant their plans could be cancelled at the last minute on any given night. Why could he not give her one leather, robot, alligator and cape-free day?

Barbie happily approached her with a camera in her hands about to talk about something or other but once she got close enough to notice Roxanne's dark-ringed eyes and murderous expression she decided she was needed down in the mail room. That was fine with Roxanne. She didn't want to talk about work, or the wedding, or the bachelorette party...

The bachelorette party. Crap. That was tonight. She sighed and began working on today's top story: Missing Child...found ten minutes later asleep under his own bed.

It was going to be a long day.

After interviewing the 'missing' child, his panicky mother and the less than impressed police officers who had been called in to search for him Roxanne called back into the office before heading out. She had brought her party clothes and makeup to work with her so she wouldn't have to go home. If she didn't go home then she wouldn't see Megamind and she wouldn't have to admit she might have been the _teensiest_ bit out of line last night. She dressed in the bathroom and checked herself out in the mirror. Makeup: perfect as always. Dress...one of her old favourites, the red and black, was a little baggy around the hips, she noticed, feeling pleased with herself. At least her ridiculous diet was paying off. She stopped by her cubicle to pick up her purse and there, on the desk, was another bunch of red roses. That made four gigantic bunches of flowers on her already cramped desk. She sighed, picked up a red bunch and headed downstairs. It could decorate their table at the bar. Despite the situation with Megamind she was looking forward to tonight now. It would feel good to cut loose and enjoy herself for a while.

The club was dimly lit and quite stylish with a passable jazz band playing at just the right volume. The table Shiyounin had booked was in just the right spot in the room, the bartenders were good-looking and friendly, and cocktail happy hour had just started. Once the little party noticed Roxanne was there a cheer erupted. Roxanne blushed. The gathering was small but lively. Shiyounin was there (placing a veil decked out in coloured condoms over Roxanne's head and passing her a Mojito). Barbie was there too, as were a few of Roxanne's relatives (Not Aunty Joyce) and some of the girls from work. Roxanne sat down at the table, sipped her drink and chatted happily to her friends. This would be a great night, she decided. Friends, music, and a few quiet drinks to celebrate the end of single life...

"Lick sip suck!" Shiyounin announced and tipped a shot, a few shakes of salt and a lime wedge into her food compartment and sent it up. All Roxanne could see was the lime wedge floating around as the booze mixed with the fish's water supply. Her gills trembled and she pulled a face. "Ugh! Disgusting." The fish bit down on the floating lime wedge. " I'll have another one!" she called happily to the bartender, who gave her a frightened look and served someone else. Roxanne downed her shot, pulled the exact same face the fish did, and thumped her glass down on the bar. She looked at her aquatic friend, head buzzing pleasantly.

"How many of those have you had? I'm pretty sure fish aren't meant to drink tequila."

"Discrimination!" Shiyounin exclaimed and pointed her finger at Roxanne. [[Why is it you humans are the only ones allowed to have fun? I have two children at home who drive me crazy most days of the week and this _one_ night I get to go out you're trying to cut me off?]] she spouted angrily in Japanese, then caught sight of her robotic finger. She moved it from side to side. "Why is my finger blurry?" she asked.

"Okay, just about time for a water-change, girlfriend." Roxanne took her robotic arm and went to lead her to the bathroom.

"Is okay, I can change my own water. You go sit now!" Shiyounin said, only slurring a little and walking more or less steadily towards the bathroom. Roxanne shook her head, ordered a Margarita, and went to sit down next to Barbie. The music had gotten more modern now, and louder.

"That fish is insane! Did you see her goose that waiter before?" Roxanne's cousin Laura asked. Roxanne giggled and sipped her drink. Oh the world was warm and funny now!

"She's a mom, she doesn't get out much." She explained as though that made perfect sense. Laura blinked.

"You've gotten really weird. What happened to you?" She said. Roxanne shrugged.

"Stockholm Syndrome." She said, and laughed at her own joke. It was probably true. Barbie, drink in hand, put in her two cents worth.

"You're a lucky girl Roxy. The only alien on the planet and you got him! It's not fair. Are you sure he doesn't have a brother or something?"

"You're kidding. You have a thing for Megamind?" Roxanne asked with a giggle. Barbie shook her head, and then shook it again.

"No. He's too short for me. And old...no offence. But aliens are _hot_. If he had a taller younger brother I'd so climb that...what's his junk like anyway? Barbs? Tentacles? You can tell me!"

"Barbie! Gross!" Laura complained. Roxanne was laughing so hard tears were forming in her eyes. Well that explained a lot. All of a sudden a booming voice silenced the room.

"Citizens of Metrosity! It appears we have a bride to be in our midst! Bring forth the prisoner!" _What the_...was that? Shiyounin showed up out of nowhere and grabbed Roxanne by the arms, still giggling. She hadn't changed her water at all, from her staggering walk she'd downed another shot.

"This way Miss Ritchie." She laughed and pulled her with her abnormal robot-strength over near the bar and forced her into a chair.

"What the hell?" Shiyounin had her arms tied behind her back, almost as quick and efficient as Minion could do. At the sight of the blue man in the black cape in front of her it all clicked into place. "Shiyounin you didn't!" Roxanne felt her face glow red.

"Did!" Shiyounin said with a grin and stepped back into the gathering crowd. The tall, muscular stripper in blue body paint, a black cape and black leather pants leaned into Roxanne's personal space.

"You're under my control now, Miss Ritchie." He said in a deep, seductive voice. Roxanne shook her head and couldn't help but giggle as he started to dance. Everyone in the bar had come over to watch as the loud music blasted and what little clothing the man was wearing started to come off. Barbie's eyes were practically bugging out of her head. Roxanne looked up at the grinning Shiyounin and mouthed;

_"I'm going to kill you."_, at which point the fish laughed again and clapped her fins as the stripper's black cape got draped around Roxanne's shoulders.

Stripper Megamind was down to his g-string now and sitting in Roxanne's lap nuzzling her neck. Between him and the alcohol she couldn't help but feel a little flushed. All that blue skin...Roxanne sighed and thought of the real Megamind, probably at home and still fuming over their fight.

It didn't matter, she realised. Who cared about a stupid cape? They were getting _married_! He could wear a bikini if he wanted to! Her blue stripper noticed her expression and paused, whispering into her ear "Are you okay? I can stop if you want." She looked at him, smiled, and leaned into his ear.

"I'm fine. Do me a favour? Go dance for the red head in the purple glasses and the odd-coloured shoes after this."

"You got it." He grinned. Roxanne had to admire his commitment. He had the goatee going and that blue paint extended...well everywhere from what she could see. He leaned in and kissed, tongued and bit her neck. _Damn!_ Roxanne felt her face and neck burning up and she was almost disappointed when he pulled away. He finished up with her, made a show of straddling her lap and grinding against her as he untied her ropes, and then played to the crowd, finally making his way to Barbie and dancing around her in a most obscene way. The poor girl was blushing down to her mismatched red and green converse hi-tops. Roxanne grinned and downed the rest of her drink. The stripper had Barbie occupied. Shiyounin had dragged half the party up onto the dance floor and the other half (the boring half, Roxanne admitted) were sneaking outside to hail a cab.

She sighed and took out her cell phone. No calls, no messages. All she wanted was to see Megamind and tell him how sorry she was. Unable to bring herself to hear his voice she typed a message to him.

_ At Bar Zanzi on Seventeenth. Pick me up?_

She waited for about ten minutes until her phone buzzed.

_On my way_, it read. She exhaled, relieved. Not that she minded catching a cab home (not having her own car she was used to scamming lifts and catching cabs) but she wanted to see him and make everything good again.. She looked over at her friends. Barbie was making out with the stripper in their booth and Shiyounin was dancing with a handful of very good-looking young men. Roxanne couldn't help but stare. How did she do it? She was a fish in a robot suit for crying out loud. She caught the bartender's attention and mouthed 'No more for her!' and he nodded. She never claimed any expertise in fish biology but she was fairly certain the water in her bowl should not contain that amount of tequilla. She approached the dancing fish.

"Shiyounin I'm going home. Thanks so much for throwing the party, it means a lot." Shiyounin threw her arm around Roxanne's shoulders in a crushing grip.

"Is no problem Miss Ritchie. Is what minions are for." She said with a smile. Roxanne blinked.

"Is that what you think you are? My minion?" she asked. Shiyounin's face fell.

"You don't want me to be your minion? Was party not good enough?" Roxanne took her hands in hers.

"No. I mean yes, the party was fantastic. But you're not my minion, you're my friend." The words came out a little slurred. Shiyounin frowned, trying to absorb this in her drunken state.

"Friend?" she repeated. Roxanne nodded. Shiyounin raised the finny extension that passed as an eyebrow. "Friends don't tell bar man to cut other friends off." She pouted. Roxanne smiled.

"They do when alcohol concentration in their friend's tank reaches dangerous levels." She pointed out. Shiyounin hugged her, again in a crushing grip.

"Do you want to come home with me? Megamind is picking me up." Roxanne offered.

"No, I stay here and dance some more. Catch cab." She said. "Goodnight Miss...Roxanne." Roxanne nodded.

"Goodnight Shiyounin." She said. On cue her phone buzzed again.

_I'm outside. Why is there a blue man mauling your photographer?_ Roxanne glanced at the pair. They were a little close to the window. She chuckled and walked outside. The invisible car, now visible, was waiting for her.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Megamind had spent the day trying to track down Hal Stewart. The Warden had been right, he had all but disappeared. If not for his hold-up of the 7-11 he may have vanished from sight. He visited the 7-11 and interviewed the clerk, who was getting mighty tired of the whole thing.

"Look I tolds the police, I tolds that old man with the moustache, I tolds that little reporter woman and now I'm telling you I don't know _nothing_. He was just some fat loser in a jacket who stole chips and cash and left. I don't care who it was and I don't even care if he's caught. I'm just about due for another break in anyway. Are you all going to harass me about that one too?" he growled.

Megamind returned to Not Evil Lair with an extra-large extra-green Slurpee and a bag of candy bars. At least the visit hadn't been a complete waste of time. He could use a sugar fix. He sat in his office demolishing his Hershey bars and did what every good researcher did when confronted with a dead end.

He typed 'Hal Stewart' into Google.

There were a few sites which were just old reviews on Roxanne's news stories which cited him as the camera man. Then there was another entry at about number fourteen on the list...

"A blog?" he wondered and clicked on the link. There were several video files uploaded, followed by user comments. Number of followers: 7. Megamind snorted. He was no social networking guru but even he knew that was pretty lame. His smirk faded as he watched the videos one after the other; each one got less funny than the one before.

Hal escaped from prison. He had hidden until after dark and then broken into a bargain store, stealing clothes and food. Then he had met a girl and moved into her place (unfortunately he hadn't been dumb enough to mention her name), and convinced her he merely wanted to clear his name so they could be together. The last video though... _You led me on; prancing around like the slut you are in those short skirts. I'm coming for you ._It was as the Warden had feared. Megamind had to find him before it was too late.

Megamind wrote down the web address and went to visit the local police department. He didn't claim any expertise in the web. His abilities were more suited to robotics, engineering and gene-splicing synthetic brains into mechanical suits.

Of course the police had been glad to help him but they already had so many top-priority cases that Hal Stewart was fairly low on their list. Megamind shook his head. He supposed they were right but still...he would have to take care of protecting Roxanne himself.

Roxanne.

He moped around the house, watching something on TV and not really paying much attention to Minion's stay-at-home-dad adventures. He tried to track down Hal's IP address for himself but short of Googling 'Hacking for Dummies' (which he had tried with little success) he couldn't really figure it all out. If anyone could do this it would probably be Roxanne, using her nosey reporter skills, but he hadn't heard from her all day. He didn't know if she had called or texted him. It didn't matter. He couldn't tell her about Hal. It would just upset her.

Megamind hadn't been game to check his phone. But then Hal could also have her tied up in a dungeon somewhere... He raced upstairs and checked his phone. No calls, no messages. He toyed with asking her if she was all right but then that would open up the opportunity for argument and the dumping of him; alone (but not in the rain this time) and he didn't want that. He didn't want her knowing about Hal anyway. It would completely ruin the wedding buzz she was on and she didn't need to know. If they were still getting married. He could protect her himself. Still he kept checking his phone every few minutes until the tension grew too much and he ended up giving it to Minion.

"Here. Hold this for me will you? Let me know if Roxanne calls."

Minion gave him The Look.

"Sir, why don't you just call her?" he hadn't needed to tell the fish about their argument. One look at Megamind's crestfallen expression that morning had told him everything he needed to know.

"Because if she can talk to me that means she can dump me and I don't want to be dumped so as long as we don't contact one another we're still getting happily married in five days time." Megamind said. Minion gave him a flat stare.

"With all due respect, _sir_, that's the dumbest thing I ever heard. What are you two fighting over anyway?" Megamind sighed.

"I don't even know. I told her I was wearing a cape to the wedding and she went all angry alligator on me." Minion shook his head.

"A cape sir? Really?"

"She said something about wanting a normal wedding. No robots, no brainbots, no capes or spaceships, just a normal wedding." He looked mournfully at Minion. "That cancels out my entire side of the guest list."

"Well...the wedding is kinda supposed to be Roxanne's day. Maybe you should just give her what she wants. You have the rest of your lives to fight over stuff that doesn't matter."

"Until one day she decides I'm just too _abnormal_ for her." He said. Minion wasn't sure what to say.

"Yeah...um...I think I can hear Rei crying I'd better go." He said and went outside to the coi pond. Megamind frowned.

"I thought they didn't make sounds yet..." Minion hurried outside, leaving Megamind alone. "Oh, right, got it." He had to get his mind off it all. He went back to his office. _Right_. It was time to make a serious attempt at locating Hal.

He Googled 'how to hack' and prepared to make himself an expert.

By eleven o'clock that night he had succeeded in his endeavour. He had hacked into Minion's personal computer (and was slightly disturbed at some of the nature documentaries he had found under the folder 'porn'), the Mayor (boring man. No porn at all). He tried to find the Warden's computer but he didn't seem to use one other than for work. He found Roxanne's friend Barbie's laptop. She spent a lot of time on in the sci-fi section. She seemed to have an alien fetish. Huh. That explained a lot…

Finally, after becoming fairly accomplished he flexed his fingers over his keyboard and prepared to track down Hal Stewart when...

"Sir? You have a message from Roxanne." Minion said from behind him. Megamind shivered.

"And?" he steeled himself for the awful news that he would be spending eternity sleeping alone and watching Bridget Jones' Diary until one day he himself was found on his living room floor dead and being eaten by his own pet alligators...

"It's okay sir. She just wants you to pick her up from the bar. It's her bachelorette party, remember?"

"Oh yes...what should I say?" Minion facepalmed himself with his free hand. Minion Junior was in the other arm giving Megamind a curious look.

"How about 'On my way'."

"'On my way'? But what does that _mean_?" Megamind asked, not knowing the whole relationship code dictionary yet.

"It means you're picking her up from the bar." Minion said patiently. "Are you all right to drive? Have you been drinking? Or are you on coffee?" His boss had that weird glassy-eyed look he got for a number of reasons. Overwork, too much caffeine, alcohol, or watching The Matrix Reloaded...

"Coffee. And learning to hack. Relax Minion I can drive. I'll go and get her now." He said, trying to inject enthusiasm into his voice.

"Sir I know Roxanne. She isn't going to dump you over a cape." Minion assured him. Megamind attempted a cocky grin on the way out, wishing he felt anywhere near as optimistic as the fish did.

Megamind pulled the invisible car into a 'No Parking' zone outside the bar. He could see their party fairly distinctive through the first-floor window above him. Shiyounin seemed to be grinding with at least three young men on the dance floor and that strange red-head with the alien fetish was entangled with a large, bald man who Megamind could have sworn had a blue tinge to his skin (of which there was a lot on show). He sent a message to Roxanne (who he couldn't see) and a few minutes later there she was, on the ground floor walking more or less steadily towards him. He flicked the invisibility cloak off and waited for her to open the door.

She got in, bringing with her a huge bunch of red roses. Megamind's voice failed him. She looked beautiful in that dress. He had always loved the red one.

"Hey." She said as she got into the car. She paused when she saw his face. "What's wrong?" she asked.

He stared out the windshield and drummed nervously on the steering wheel. _Just get it over with_, his inner voice shouted at him.

"Are you breaking up with me?" he blurted out. Roxanne's eyes widened.

"What? Why? Are you...breaking up with me?" Her memories of their fight were a bit hazy thanks to the alcohol. She knew she had upset him but didn't realise it was _that_ bad.

"No! I'm not. I mean I don't want to but I thought you might..." She threw the roses into the back seat and gripped him in a powerful, awkwardly placed hug across the gear shift and hand break.

"Megamind! Is that what you thought? It was just a fight! A stupid, stupid fight." He shut his eyes and held her.

"You're sure?" he ventured.

"Of course I'm sure. I don't care about the cape anymore. I don't care if you want to wear your leathers and show up on the hoverbike! I love you." She said, voice lilting strangely.

"I don't care about the cape either Roxanne. I'll burn it if you ask me to." He held his breath, hoping she wouldn't. They were so warm and comfortable and stylish...

"Don't be silly. Wear the white one. It always did look good on you." She took his face in her hands and kissed him. The 24 hours' worth of stress he had just endured hit a peak and then melted away as her lips pressed against his and he gladly accepted her invitation to deepen the kiss.

"I love you Roxanne." She patted his shoulder a little too hard and for a little too long, and the scent on her breath spoke of much tequila. "Just out of interest how much have you had to drink tonight?"

"Ohhh...more than I can remember." She said, sounding quite content at the fact. "Less than Shiyounin though." Megamind looked up at the window of the bar. "She said she wanted to get a cab home." Roxanne said. _Oh crabnuggets_, thought Megamind. He thought these Bachelorette Parties were supposed to be filled with quiet drinks and girl-talk. Clearly not. Her hands were on his body now looking for the zipper on his jacket and he pulled away.

"Roxanne! We're in a car illegally parked on the road outside a bar." He protested. She pulled him into a fierce tequila-shooter flavoured kiss and he felt his pants tighten slightly "No! We have a house for a reason!" She trailed her lips across his jaw until she found his ear and gently sucked on the lobe. Megamind's face flushed. _Damn her!_ "Not here Roxanne. Just...let me drive! Stop that!" she grazed his ear with her teeth and her hand crept into his lap. "Damnit! Give me a minute!" He revved the engine, engaged the cloak and drove as fast as he dared with her impish teasing going on. He knew he wouldn't make it all the way home and so sped to a lookout on the edge of the city he had once used as a missile launch platform and killed the engine. It was dark and Megamind could barely see his bride-to-be other than the faint shine of moon and star light on Roxanne's pale skin.

Megamind unbuckled his own seat belt and scooted over into Roxanne's seat. His mouth found hers and her kisses became intense. She broke off and stared into his eyes.

"I'll never leave you Megamind. I promise." She said. If she said something, she meant it. Megamind pulled her back to his mouth and caressed her body through the silky dress. Her curves were lesser these days. He was looking forward to feeding her up on pizza and Chinese food so that she'd fill out properly again once they were married. She just wasn't _Roxanne_ without those killer curves. _Damn carb-free wedding diet!_ He grabbed her butt under the skirt and squeezed it gently. At least she still filled his hands and then some. Speaking of which…Megamind grinned.

"What's this then?" he murmured into her ear and slipped his fingers under the elastic of her thong. His lips found her neck and she moaned.

"Need one…with this dress." She answered. He pulled the zipper down on the back of her dress and tugged it down over her breasts. She sighed happily when he put his tongue and his teeth to good use.

Before long the passenger-side seat was reclined, the windows were fogged up and that thong was happily lost somewhere. Megamind sat blissful, jeans pooled around his knees with his girl riding him with the sort of enthusiasm only a combination of alcohol and a recent fight could produce.

At that moment all was well with the world.

Back home the two of them made their way upstairs to their bedroom. Neither of them could be bothered getting changed and simply stripped off and climbed into bed. Roxanne took her usual position with her head pillowed on his shoulder and wrapped her arm around his waist.

"Oh and by the way, it's really sweet of you but could you _please_ stop sending me flowers? My desk is just about covered in them." Megamind smiled and shook his head. Clearly she was still a little inebriated.

"I've only sent you one bunch this week." He laughed. "How small is your desk?"

"Huh. Must have a secret admirer then, I've had four in the last two days." She murmured against his chest. Megamind's chest tightened.

"Out of curiosity when exactly did you get them?" he asked. There was no answer save for a quiet snore.

Suddenly he wasn't sleepy anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The next day Megamind fully intended to get up early and go track down the fat freak. The sun was just up when he rolled over to get out of bed when Roxanne murmured beside him.

"Don't go. I'm taking the morning off." She wound her arm around his waist and pulled him closer to her.

"I've just got a couple of things I need to take care of." He said. She didn't let go.

"More important than sleeping in with your bride to be?" she asked. Megamind relented. If he said 'yes' she would want an explanation.

"No. Of course not." He lied as she kissed his chest and snuggled into him. It was nice. Hal could wait. It wasn't as if the little turd was waiting outside with a chainsaw or anything. All he was doing was sending flowers.

He let his eyes drift shut again and tried to relax.

Roxanne woke with that wonderful feeling that it was very late in the morning. She stretched and smiled, then looked over to see Megamind's side of the bed was empty. Huh. He'd snuck away after all.

On cue he came out of the bathroom freshly showered and dressed. She looked him up and down, frowning. He was in his plain black leather suit today wearing a cape whose spikes were a little longer and sharper than normal.

"You're looking dramatic today. What's going on?" she asked. She hadn't seen him dressed quite that menacingly since his disastrous first epic battle with Titan.

"Just some Metrosity business. Nothing to worry about." He looked in the mirror and straightened his collar. Roxanne rolled her eyes. He spent longer in front of the mirror in the mornings than she did. And he didn't even have hair to do!

"Okay. Just don't get banged up before the wedding." She warned.

"No problem." He said. A brainbot zoomed in and handed him his boots. The very slightly platformed ones he wore on special occasions. He said he needed the extra support for fallen arches in his feet. She knew they were to make him look taller.

"Okay. I should be home around nine tonight. By then you and your buddies should...ah never mind." Roxanne realised she almost spilled the beans about his surprise Bachelor Party Minion was throwing him.

"What buddies? Am I doing something?" he asked.

"One last suit fitting." She lied. He slumped.

"Not again! They fit just fine!" he complained. Roxanne pretended to grumble.

"Okay okay. You win." He smiled, obviously feeling he had won that round. She tried to hide her relief. "I need to go shower. I smell like the invisible car."

"Leather seats and new car scent air freshener. What's not to love?" Megamind commented and took a deep breath with his nose nuzzled in the curve of her neck. She smiled and pushed him away.

"Go to work. I'll see you later on tonight." She said and kissed him very briefly, not wanting to subject him to her morning breath. He watched her disappear into the bathroom. Today's mission: Catch Roxanne's stalker, before she finds out she has one. He pulled on his gloves and went downstairs to his office.

Megamind got to work in lab using his computer, and in a few short minutes had managed to track down the address Hall had broadcast his blogs from. Huh. He supposed it wasn't really surprising. It was an apartment in a fairly run-down area of Metrosity. He wrote down the address on a piece of paper (he really did have to get one of those new smart phones; he was still using the one he had...borrowed...from Bernard) and made his way back upstairs. On his way to the car he noticed Minion in the kitchen with his two offspring. Both were floating in their spheres and letting loose streams of bubbles looking absolutely miserable. Minion noticed his quizzical stare.

"Teething." He explained. Megamind raised an eyebrow, not sure how much more of this weird fish parenting he could take. "Could you just hold Rei for a few minutes? She likes you, you might be able to get her settled while I medicate Junior here..." Megamind looked from Minion to the door to the garage and back again. He sighed. Once again Hal would just have to wait a while. He walked into the kitchen and picked up the sphere with the little white coi fish in it.

"Shhhh. It's okay. Come here, Uncle Megamind will tell you a story." He said to the baby fish. She halted the flow of bubbles and looked up at him with sad eyes. She had Minion's eyes, but Shiyounin's pearlescent white scales and elegant build. Megamind decided he would build her a beautiful suit when she was older He took her into the lounge and sat with her in his lap and sighed, wondering when Roxanne would relent and allow herself to fall pregnant with their own hybrid offspring. "Once upon the time there was a dashing blue genius and a smug white prince battling on the rooftop of City Hall..."

Minion had finally gotten Minion Junior to stop crying (he had dropped a raw lamb chop into the fish's sphere; apparently it was hungry and in need of a chewy toy) and came out to see Megamind sitting on the sofa still telling his story to Rei, who was floating fast asleep in her little glass sphere. Megamind felt the need to finish things.

"And so the egotistical white prince carried the villain away to Metrocity Penitentiary where the devilishly handsome blue warrior would languish for weeks on end until his next prison escape, aided of course by your Daddy." Minion smiled as he watched his daughter dream blissfully in his boss/ward/friend's arms.

"She loves you." He said. Megamind looked up.

"Of course she does Minion. What's not to love?" he said, handing he fish over to her father. Minion put her in a soft cushioned pillow next to her brother on the other side of the room. Both siblings slept soundly.

"Thankyou for that sir. Oh and you need to be home by eight tonight."

"Eight? What for?" Megamind asked. That wouldn't be anywhere near enough time to taunt and monologue Hal Stewart to his satisfaction before handing over his pudgy unconscious body to the Warden.

"Dinner! I'm making you a special dinner tonight."

"Honestly Minion, really?" they hadn't had one of their one-on-one dinner parties for a few years now and Megamind had enjoyed the lack of awkward silences and fussy food. The fish's face fell.

"I just figured we haven't really had any you and me time lately. And now I've got a family and you're about to get married it might be the last time we get a chance to really connect..."

"Of course, Minion, I'm sorry." He cut Minion off before he could go all _emo_ on him. "I'll be home by eight."

"Thanks. It means a lot." Minion grinned. "Oh and put some petrol in the tank while you're out? The car's a little low."

"Okay. See you tonight." Megamind said on the way out, not for the first time wondering who worked for who.

He opened up the front door, relieved at finally getting out of the house and doing his job when...

"Hey little buddy!" Oh no.

"Wayne?" Megamind looked up at the huge man. Ordinarily he would have been happy to see the hero-turned-musician but not today. "What are you doing here?"

"I was just in the neighbourhood and thought I'd drop by. And iBot's missing his daddy." The odd brainbot-ipod hybrid was hovering behind Wayne. He was looking even more pimped-out than ever. In addition to the swallowed iPod, white spray job and Apple logo his glow was now fluoro green and he had upgraded to a bigger set of speakers.

"_Bowwwww_!" it said and hovered over to Megamind, butting at his hands with his glass dome. Megamind heard _bowwing_ and robotic laughter coming from the handful of stock-standard brainbots hovering behind him. He had to agree. iBot _did_ look ridiculous.

"Yes well I was just on the way out." Megamind said. "Maybe you could come by later?" Wayne's face fell.

"Oh...okay. I guess you're busy with the wedding and all..." he gave his puppy-dog eyes and Megamind sighed, and then a thought struck him.

"Let's go for a drive. You can help me out with something...and no one else has to know about it, okay?"

"It's nothing...you know...evil is it? I know I'm not the hero type anymore but I don't think I could do anything illegal. Well, _really_ illegal anyway."

"Relax. I just don't want Roxanne finding out about it, so Minion and family can't know either."

"Does it involve prostitutes? 'Cause I'm not really comfortable with that..." Megamind raised his eyebrows. There was an awkward silence.

"Um...no. I'll explain on the way. Come on iBot, you can come too."

iBot made a buzzing noise that sounded like _'mission!' _and followed its old master to the invisible car. Megamind looked at the almost unrecognisable brainbot-turned-DJ and smiled. He had kinda missed the mischievous creation. Not that he would ever admit it out loud. Megamind got behind the wheel and winced at the creaking noise it made as Wayne got into the front passenger seat. He'd have to get the suspension looked at.

Megamind briefly described the situation of the stalker Hal Stewart and how he had tracked him down as they drove towards the seedier end of town. After filling up the petrol tank (and getting filthy looks from the station attendant who Megamind had robbed several times in the past) Megamind engaged the invisibility cloak a few streets away from their destination (much to the surprise of the other motorists) and parked the car opposite the apartment block on the footpath outside of an abandoned half-finished construction site.

"I'm impressed Megamind. I never got the hang of the whole hacking thing. I just sort of waited for you to show yourself and pounced." Megamind raised an eyebrow.

"What about all the other criminals in the city? You know I wasn't the only trouble maker." Wayne shrugged.

"You know the police handle most of it. If there was anything beyond them they sort of pointed me in the general direction." Megamind shook his head.

"All right. According to the intern-et Hal Stewart is in that building in apartment 5B." He looked at the run-down building.

"5B?" Wayne looked up. "What's the plan then?"

"I'll wait for him to come out and throw him into the back of the car." He said, reaching over and taking his spare Forget Me Stick out of the glove box.

"Good plan little buddy. Um...this Hal Stewart. It's a guy isn't it?" Megamind gave Wayne a flat stare.

"Of course he is. Why?" he answered, exasperated.

"It's just that there's only one person in 5B and it's a woman."

"How do you know that?" Megamind demanded. Wayne rolled his eyes.

"X-ray vision, remember?" he said. Megamind slapped himself on the forehead.

"Of course. A woman you say?" he said, heart sinking. Hal must have somehow hidden his real location and used this fake address. It was late afternoon and he still hadn't caught Hal. He'd been hoping it would all be over by now. "Let's go up. I'll see if I can get a look at her computer, see if I can figure out why her address popped up." He twisted the face on his watch and cycled through a few different appearances, finally settling on Bernard. He could pass for a detective. Wayne raised an eyebrow.

"That's pretty cool." He said as Megamind passed him a spare he kept in the glove box. He cycled through a few appearances and decided on the scan Megamind had done of a police woman some time back. "Whoa. Check out the detail." Wayne exclaimed, looking down his own shirt.

"Focus on the task at hand Wayne." He said and stepped out of the car, scaring an alley cat as he did so. They made their way across the road, entered the building and took the stairs up to the apartment. The elevator was broken.

"Let me do the talking." Megamind/Bernard said. He knocked on the door.

A young woman answered it. She was little more than a girl really, in her late teens or early twenties. She was attractive enough with dark hair and glasses and some fairly generous curves, as Wayne noticed. Despite his music career he had hit a bit of a dry spell lately. Music Man just wasn't as popular with the ladies as Metro Man had been, and being a musician didn't really explain his...anatomy...as well as being an alien superhero did.

"If you're from Mrs Gilesky I paid my rent last week." She said, eyes flicking from Megamind to Wayne nervously. Megamind/Bernard gave her a beaming smile.

"Nothing like that at, Miss. We just need to ask you a few questions. Have you by chance seen this man in the building?" He asked and showed her Hal's mug shot, complete with a piece of napkin shoved up his nose after being defused of his powers all those years ago. The girl stared at the photograph for a moment and shook her head.

"No detective I haven't seen anyone like that around here." She said.

"We traced some video blogs he's been posting online to this address and we think he might have been using this as a fake address. Could we have a look at your computer?" Megamind/Bernard asked. She looked afraid.

"Don't you need a warrant for that or something?" she asked nervously.

"There's nothing to be afraid of miss. We just want to see if your machine has been tampered with in any way." Wayne chimed in. The female officer's voice he was using had a reassuring tone to it and the girl relented.

"Okay then. Come in." She said. "Have a seat. I'll go get my laptop." She gestured them to the lounge area. There were two mismatched old sofas and a television. Megamind and Wayne both sat down and waited. She was gone for a few minutes. Megamind checked his watch. It was mid-afternoon already and they were at a dead end.

She brought out her machine. It was an older model with a broken hinge on the lid and a fairly crappy webcam.

"Thankyou, Ma'am." Megamind turned it on and sat through the start-up sequence. Once it was turned on he had a good look through the parts that mattered. "This was recently formatted?"

"Yeah. I got a virus from one of those file-sharing programs. Not that I file share or anything." She said hastily, remembering they were the police. Wayne shook his head. She was cute but not too bright. Megamind examined the machine inside and out but couldn't find anything of use. He sighed.

"Sorry for wasting your time Ma'am. There's nothing amiss here." He handed the computer back to her. She shrugged.

"It's okay." They stood up to leave.

"If you see that man in the photo please call Metrosity PD." Megamind/Bernard said. The girl nodded and then froze.

"I will." She said after a moment.

"Thankyou Miss..." Wayne looked at her.

"Rogers. R-Roxanne Rogers." She answered. Megamind paused. _Roxanne? Roxanne R?_ That couldn't be a coincidence.

The name. The address he had traced. The formatted computer. And the way she had looked at him when he had said 'Metrosity'...

He closed the door to the apartment again and turned the face on his watch, morphing back into his usual self. Wayne stepped back. All in black with the cape and the spikes he actually _did_ look quite menacing. He approached the girl and kept going as she stumbled backwards and fell into a sofa. He loomed over her and roared at her with an edge to his voice Wayne had never heard before;

"WHERE IS HAL STEWART?"

The sun had just set as Roxanne finished her live report from the site of Metro City's most heinous crime of the day. She winced as she thought of the drama she'd put into her voice as she desperately tried to sensationalise the latest farce that passed as news.

"Citizens of Metro City, as law abiding citizens we share our disgust at the perpetrator of this crime. In this current climate of global uncertainty and conflict going on between our oil-producing allies it is an outrage that certain members of our community see fit to steal fuel from hard-working Americans just trying to make a living." At that point Barbie chose to cut to a close-up of the very Un-American looking service station attendant who expressed his anger at the perpetrator of this crime in his own native language that required subtitles on-screen.

The shadows had lengthened by the time Roxanne and Barbie had packed up the van. Roxanne watched the recorded footage on her laptop in the passenger seat of the van while Barbie filled up the petrol tank. She sighed. She really should win the International Bullshit Award for that story. It was even worse than the 7-11 robbery of a few days ago. She sighed and watched the CCTV footage of the short, fat little criminal in the hoodie speed off in a crappy hatchback. Sometimes she missed the Megamind days of epic battles between good and evil. He had been right about one thing. He definitely had the 'presentation' skills to appeal to a television audience.

She watched the footage again, something nagging in the back of her head. That fat little man in the jacket looked familiar. Could it be...it was! It was the same guy from the 7-11 robbery. Even after making that connection her investigative reporter brain remained largely dis-engaged. Big deal. He was a repeat offender. Maybe one day he might escalate to stealing a car or vandalising a mail box. She turned off the laptop. Maybe next week she could do a story on the one-man crime-wave. Tonight she just didn't care. She was getting married in three days. It was her last day of work before she got into a mad last-minute panic about the big day.

She wondered where Barbie had gotten to. Roxanne couldn't see her through the windows of the petrol station. The attendant was inside with an over-sized pair of earphones attached to his iPod, nodding in time with the music. She looked around. Most of the street lights in this part of town were broken and the roads were deserted. After business hours in the industrial sector were pretty quiet.

A few more minutes of silence had Roxanne wondering if maybe she should call out for Barbie. She had been a while now and there was no sign of the girl. Roxanne drummed her fingers on the steering wheel and then got out of the van.

"Barbie?" she called. "Barbs? Where'd you go?" There was no answer. She walked around to the back of the van. There was no sign of her eccentric camera operator. Roxanne shivered. Surely nothing could have happened to her...

There was a movement behind her, a painful thud and she saw black and white splotches cloud her vision. She hit the ground in a crumpled mess.


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks to my reviewers (especially whitealmond!) your feedback is much appreciated! Just a warning this chapter's a little darker than some, hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Megamind, Roxanne, Hal and the gang are not mine. However the next fish I get I'm naming it Shiyounin!

Chapter 6

"Roxanne? Roxaroooooo..." a voice was calling her name, vaguely familiar but Roxanne couldn't put a name to it. She opened her eyes. At least she thought she did. It was too dark for her to be sure.

"Who's there?" she growled. Her head hurt and she was lying somewhere cold and uncomfortable. Her hands were tied together.

"I'm hurt Roxy. You've forgotten me already?" she could almost hear the sneer in the man's voice. Roxanne froze. She knew that voice now.

"Hal?" she said.

"That's great Roxy. Sorry but there's no prize tonight." Roxanne squinted as a flashlight was turned on. It probably wasn't that bright but her eyes hadn't adjusted well. They were in the back of the news van. Hal was sitting near the door. Roxanne was on the floor next to...

"Oh God. Barbie?" the girl was out cold on the floor. At least that's what Roxanne told herself.

"She'll be okay. I didn't hit her hard." Hal said. Roxanne glared at the little man.

"Fucking coward. What the hell are you doing here?" she sat up and tried not to wince at the pain in her head.

"I came to see you Roxanne. It's been so long. I really missed you." He said. She stared at him, very uneasy.

"Can't say the feeling is mutual Hal." He shrugged and smiled.

"Look I know we both said and did things we regret but I really think we can start over, you and me." Roxanne raised an eyebrow.

"Start over? Us?" She couldn't help but laugh.

"Well Megamind was kidnapping you for years and you've been fucking him for a while now, haven't you? We only had that one real fight, you could give me a second chance too couldn't you?"

"Hand yourself in Hal before someone gets hurt." She pulled at her restraints. Cable ties around her wrists. Crude but effective. She could get out of just about any knot in a rope these days but Megamind had never used cable ties. Hal laughed and got to his feet. His bulk made moving around the cramped back of the van difficult. Somehow he'd gotten even fatter in prison.

"See I don't think so Roxy. It's just you, me and Sleeping Beauty down there."

"Everyone knows where we are." She said, trying to look unfazed. He laughed.

"_Were_, Roxy. You were out of it for a while. I took the old van for a spin." Roxanne's stomach churned.

"You robbed the 7-11, and did the petrol runner. Why?" she realised.

"To get your attention. What happened? You used to be smart. Megamind fucked your brains out did he? He must be pretty good at it." Roxanne tried to look away from him but he grabbed her face and pulled her back to him. Her head throbbed and she flinched. He stroked her face, making her skin crawl. "Awww don't be like that. I won't let anything bad happen to you." He leaned in close to her. His breath smelled of day-old chips and soda. "I've been waiting for this for a long time." He brought his lips close to hers.

"I wouldn't put any part of you near my mouth Hal. Just some friendly advice." She said, baring her teeth. He pulled back hastily, and then scowled.

"Have it your way then. This could have been magical for both of us." He spat and then slapped her across the jaw. Her head snapped sideways and she saw stars.

"Asshole." She snarled. Her head throbbed harder. He grabbed at her jacket and tore the buttons off, only then realising he wasn't going to get it off her with her hands tied together.

"Fuck!" he shouted.

"You can't do anything right can you?" she laughed through the pain. "You're a pathetic little screw-up." He smacked her again and she tasted blood. She'd bitten her lip. "That's it. Hit the woman with her arms tied behind her back. Does it make you feel like more of a man?" He pushed her face-down on the floor of the van, tripping over Barbie's motionless body as he went.

"No but this does." He grabbed her skirt and pulled it up over her hips. _Shit!_ She kicked and tried to pull away but he jammed his knee into her back and she cried out. "Briefs? I was hoping you were more of a thong kind of girl." She felt his hands grab at the waistband of her underwear and she couldn't stop the scream that erupted. He laughed and tugged at the elastic. "You go ahead and scream girl, there's no one around to hear..." There was a loud crash and the doors of the van were torn off their hinges. Hal gave a girlier scream than she did. Light (a headlight?) streamed into the back of the van and a bulky figure stood in front of it. "What the fuck?" Hal shouted and stumbled backwards. Roxanne pulled her skirt back down as best she could and threw herself out of the doorway, far less scared of the new intruder than of Hal. She landed badly on her shoulder and stole a glance back at Hal. He was standing against the wall of the van with his pants around his knees and a dark patch staining the front of his underwear. "Who the fuck are you?" he shrieked. The figure bent down and lifted Roxanne off the ground in a surprisingly gentle metallic grip.

"Konichiwa, Mr. Stewart." A sweet feminine voice rang out. Roxanne gripped onto the smooth enamel arm. _Shiyounin?_ Hal pulled up his pants.

"She's mine you freak!" he shouted and launched himself out of the van at the robot. Shiyounin dodged and he stumbled past her. He whirled around and swung a punch at her. This time she stood still and took it, one eye-fin raised as there was a crunch and a howl from the man.

"Mr. Stewart, metal and enamel is being much harder than your hand. I suggest: you leave now." She said pleasantly. He tried to launch himself at her again and she dodged, then aimed a superb hook-kick at the back of his head. He stumbled and grabbed at his head.

Shiyounin placed herself between Hal and his target and stood in an exaggerated stance with her left hand extended in a knife-hand block. "You leave now." She repeated in the exact same tone of voice. He glanced from the fish to Roxanne and back again.

"This isn't over Roxy. I'll find you again. And you fish. Next time I'm gonna flush you down a fucking toilet." He ran off into the darkness. Shiyounin watched him go, activating a pair of infra-red goggles she held up to her dome.

"Mr. Stewart has left now Miss Ritchie. Are you okay?" she asked, and then caught her as Roxanne's legs gave way and she started shaking. "Come, sit." She led her over to the vehicle with the one headlight. _The hoverbike_, Roxanne realised. She sat down on the padded leather seat.

"Please Shiyounin, Barbie's in the back of the van." Shiyounin walked over to the van and retrieved Barbie.

"Sleeping but okay." She said. "We take her home?" Roxanne nodded, head spinning and not sure how this was going to happen.

Shiyounin took care of it all. She put Barbie in the front seat of the van next to Roxanne and strapped them both in, then parked the hoverbike in the back of the van. It was a tight squeeze and there were a few crashes (indicating, most likely, the destruction of several thousand dollars' worth of equipment...Roxanne would have to blame that one on Hal) but they all fit. Shiyounin sat behind the drivers' seat and drove the van out of the run-down underground car park Hal had led her to.

Roxanne looked at her friend.

"Thankyou Shiyounin." She said. "How did you know where to find us?" Shiyounin shrugged.

"I heard Mega Mind talking to Warden about Mr. Stewart looking for you. They didn't know I was listening. I have been following you whenever I can just in case. Minion not happy with extra babysitting." She laughed to herself. "Work is good for Mothers. Gets us out of the house and away from children." Roxanne still couldn't work out how the two silent fish in glass spheres were troublesome at all but she didn't feel like asking questions right now.

"You were amazing back there." She said, and meant it. Shiyounin smiled at her.

"You forget. I was bodyguard and minion for my own evil genius before you met me Miss Ritchie."

"Roxanne." Roxanne corrected her absently. Barbie started to move her head from side to side and moan quietly. "It's okay Barbie. Just lay quiet. We're safe now." She held the girl as Shiyounin drove them all home.

Megamind considered the day utterly wasted. His attempt at frightening Roxanne Rogers into telling him the truth succeeded only in panicked screaming until Wayne stepped in and held his hand over her mouth just a little too hard and for a little too long until she passed out. They then drove her to the hospital at which point she woke up and claimed amnesia.

The rest of the day was spent with the police attempting to question her as to the whereabouts of Hal Stewart. She stubbornly insisted she didn't know who they were talking about. In a fit of frustration Megamind had flung his chair across the room and got in the girl's face.

"Do you really think he cares about you? He's using you. To get to Roxanne_ Ritchie_." She stared at him blankly.

"Hypothetically, if I knew who you were talking about I'd tell you he has no interest in that tramp on the TV." Megamind threw the folder full of photographs the Warden had given him onto the table in front of her. Graphic photos of poorly drawn graffiti of Roxanne in various positions, naked, and done in what Megamind told himself was brown crayon spilled out in front of the stupid girl. She glanced at them but other than a slight paling of her complexion she gave no response. "You need to charge me, or you need to let me go home." She said simply.

The police chief concurred. There was no real proof Hal had been in her apartment. Megamind had a hunch if the sheets were tested there would be some definite evidence but there was no way that could be done within the next week let alone that day.

Reluctantly, they had let her go home. She gave Megamind a scathing glare as she left.

"He doesn't care about you Roxanne. And if he knows you've been here talking to us at all you're in danger." He tried to warn her. She rolled her eyes and left without further comment.

He convinced the police chief to put her apartment under surveillance, and went home. Wayne followed along.

"Thanks for coming today." Megamind said to him on the drive home. Wayne shrugged.

"No problem. That's what the second-best man is for, remember?" he said. Megamind smiled in spite of the bad day.

"Yeah. Thanks. I'll return the favour when you find your Roxanne." He promised. Wayne laughed.

"I'm a bachelor, Little Buddy. Always have been, always will be."

"You don't know that." Megamind said. "I thought the same thing two years ago."

"You're different. You met the girl of your dreams. And from the sounds that frequently come from your bedroom you're more or less human where it matters." Megamind tried to keep the slightly creeped out expression from his face. How much did this man listen to? Damn his super hearing!

"Normal? In case you haven't noticed I'm blue." He said. "At least you look like a human." Wayne shifted uncomfortably.

"Yeah. Mostly." He murmured. Megamind squirmed and stared straight ahead out through the windshield. There was an awkward silence.

"Mmm. Well...so how about those Mets?" he ventured.

"They suck." Wayne answered automatically, and started talking sports. Successful subject change!

Megamind parked the car in the garage and they made their way inside. Wayne grinned, wondering exactly what kind of bucks night Minion had organised. He hoped there were strippers. He didn't like prostitutes but strippers were awesome...

They stepped into the well-lit lounge to see Minion hovering over Shiyounin, Roxanne and a girl with dark red hair, thick glasses and mismatched green and red sneakers laying on the sofa. Wayne's super hearing picked up the piercing sounds of Rei and Minion Junior's bubbly, high-pitched cries on the other side of the room in twin rockers holding their travel spheres. He winced. _God that was annoying_. He stopped at the sight of them all.

"Minion, aquatic buddy, I think we need to talk about the concept of the bucks' night again..." he said, disappointed. Megamind looked around not sure of what was going on.

"Roxanne?" he ventured. She looked pale, her eyes were glassy and her clothes were rumpled. He went straight to her and lifted her into his arms. She clung to him in a silent death grip. "Miss Perkiss?" he looked at Barbie. She had the same glassy eyed expression Roxanne did. He looked to Shiyounin. She, in contrast, looked perfectly calm.

"Shiyounin? What happened." He asked. She spoke in her native Japanese.

{{That ginger asshole you've been hunting down attacked them. I've been following them since you and the Warden thought I wasn't listening to your conversation the other day. Honestly, I'm a Minion for fuck's sake, do you think I don't get when someone's saying something worth listening to?}}

"Sorry." Megamind said absently.

{{Anyway, the asshole knocked them both out and tried to fuck Roxanne. I got there just in time. I would have gotten there sooner if you'd put petrol in the hover bike the last time you used it.}} She complained. Megamind squeezed his eyes shut and held Roxanne closer.

"I'm okay." Roxanne said. Megamind kissed her forehead.

"I'm so sorry. This is my fault. I should have warned you when I knew he was after you." He said.

"Yeah you should have But it's not your fault. He's insane." Roxanne protested.

"And he should be behind bars." Wayne added, getting the gist of what had happened. _Funny_, Megamind thought to himself. Prison was not the first thing that had jumped into his mind. Dismemberment by brainbot, perhaps. Or feeding him to the alligators. Maybe Gummy, who only had three teeth left and took forever to chew up and swallow his weekly pig carcass.

"Yeah. Bars." Megamind said, stroking Roxanne's hair.

"Why don't you take Roxanne upstairs, sir? I can take care of Miss Perkiss here."

"I'm fine Minion." Barbie said. "I was going to head home."

"Don't be silly. You can't go home tonight. You can have my bedroom. I can sleep anywhere, usually in the pond out back anyway." Minion offered.

"I stayed in there for a while, it's just fine for humans. Very clean." Wayne piped up. Barbie glanced up at him, not really having noticed him before. She looked away and mumbled something that sounded like an agreement. Megamind led Roxanne upstairs and Barbie followed Minion to his bedroom. Wayne looked around the lounge. It was just him and the female fish-dude (and the screaming fish kids).

"I guess I'm on the couch then. Some bachelor party." He sighed. Shiyounin shrugged.

"Was a boring party anyway. Love Minion, but he not good party planner. Chips, dip, underwater movie marathon." She piped up. Wayne shook his head.

"Great." He said. Shiyounin laughed.

"Don't worry. I organise party for you soon. Requests?"

"Strippers." He said automatically.

"Of course!" she said as though insulted. Wayne smiled. He hadn't really spoken to Shiyounin before but he liked her already.

Megamind waited in the bedroom while Roxanne had a quick shower and changed into her pyjamas. She looked better despite the swollen lip when she came out but Megamind knew her well enough to know she was shaken. In addition to the attack itself it bought up all the memories of her previous encounters with Hal as Titan.

They both knew it had been a miracle he hadn't tried to rape her as Titan. Megamind was thankful that he hadn't thought to try until he was his pudgy, weak-shit self again. Still if not for Shiyounin…Megamind shuddered.

Roxanne must have sensed his anxiety because she sat down beside him and put her head on his shoulder.

"Hey you, it's okay. It's an occupational hazard, you know, being the city's best reporter and all." She said and wrapped an arm around his waist.

"Yeah." He said absently, once again thinking of a painful end for Hal Stewart. He still had all those devices in storage. She nudged him with her elbow.

"I was kidding." She said. He looked down at her and couldn't help smiling.

"Sorry." He said.

"Come to bed?" she asked. He nodded and climbed under the covers with her. She laughed.

"You could get changed first." She said. He was still wearing his leathers.

"I've got some stuff to do later. I'll stay here 'til you fall asleep though." He said.

"Can't it wait?" she pleaded.

"Wedding stuff." He lied.

"Oh. Okay then." She said and snuggled into him, breathing in the scent of his suit. She did like his leather these days.

He stayed there until he heard her start to snore quietly (she still insisted she didn't snore…ha!) and then got up. He fished a de-gun out of his beside drawer and left the room.

Wayne was still awake watching a channel of dubious content in the lounge when Megamind went downstairs.

"Hey, Megamind. Where ya going?" he asked.

"Out for a bit." Wayne hadn't seen him look that serious since the black-hole end-of-the-world incident last year. He'd never seen him look this angry though.

"Megamind…let me come with you." He offered. Megamind looked at him and for the first time ever his glare sent a chill down Wayne's spine.

"Not this time. I need to do this alone. Could you watch over the house while I'm gone?" He asked. Wayne stared at him for a bit and then nodded.

"You do what you need to do little buddy." He said and turned back to the dominatrix on the screen

Satisfied, Megamind left.

Hal waited in the alley beside the fake Roxanne's apartment. By the time he'd gotten home after being attacked by that fish robot Roxanne had gone out, and she'd been gone all day. Finally Hal woke in the dark from his doze and saw a light on through her window.

"About fucking time." He muttered and took the stairs up to her apartment. He pounded on the door and she opened it. The chain was still locked.

"Where ya been, babe? I've been waiting for you." Hal smiled at her through the gap.

"The police came looking for you." She said. "You told me you were on parole."

"I am. What did they say?"

"That you escaped from jail."

"They lied. It's all that Megamind. He hates me because I almost beat him while I was a superhero." She looked at him for a while longer and then slid the chain open.

Hal walked in and went straight to the fridge, starving. All that was there was leftover spaghetti from the night before. "You didn't make dinner babe?" he asked.

"I was with the police all day." She repeated.

"Oh yeah, right okay." He said and took the huge bowl out of the fridge and put it in the microwave.

"They said you were stalking Roxanne Ritchie. They showed me pictures of your cell Hal. You told me you were over _her_." The fake Roxanne nagged.

"Photoshop, Roxy. Don't believe anything the police tell you. They all work for Megamind now." There was silence while the microwave heated up his dinner. It beeped, and he took his bowl and a fork into the lounge room and sat down on the sofa. He began shovelling the food into his mouth, only noticing Roxanne standing there with her arms crossed when he was halfway done. "Sorry babe, did you want some?" he asked.

"I think you should go. I didn't sign up for this." She said. Hal swallowed his mouthful, for the first time really noticing her. She looked tired and red around the eyes. He put down his bowl and got up.

"Aww come on Roxy don't be like that. You don't want to end what we have do you?" he went and wrapped his arms around her rigid body. He didn't want it to end. Sex on tap, a bed, food, money when he needed it and a place to hide while he plotted his next move to get at the real Roxanne.

He _would_ have her. He would fuck her until he was over it and then he would kill her. He held the fake Roxanne tighter.

"I don't want to get into trouble Hal." She said but she didn't sound convincing.

"I know babe. Hey," he tipped her face up so she looked at him. "I won't let anything happen to you." He said and kissed her. She parted her lips and he stuck his tongue in her mouth. Oh yeah. He could do with getting off after the massive boner the real Roxanne had left him with in the afternoon. That fish…that fish had to die too. He would have finally had her if that fish hadn't interfered. He grabbed the fake Roxanne's ass and ground his cock up against her. "Come on Roxy, let's go to bed."

Once he was done he lay back and tried to catch his breath. That had been awesome. For the moment he felt peaceful and happy, laying with the warm body in the bed snuggled up against him. He wondered if this could ever be enough for him. He could crash here with Fake Roxy and make a life, have kids, be a stay at home Dad while she went to work. He happily daydreamed about the future he could have here all the while fantasising about the woman he almost had.

"Hal?" Roxy said.

"Yeah babe?" he said and kissed her forehead.

"Hal I've been meaning to tell you something for a while now." She hesitated.

"Go ahead Roxy I'm listening." He said, continuing his daydream. Roxanne. God I almost had you. Had your ass in my hands. He let his imagination finish what he hadn't been able to as Fake Roxy continued to talk.

"…and well, it's Rachel." She finished. The silence told Hal he had missed something.

"Say what?" he asked, in case it had been important.

"I'm really sorry but I wasn't sure you'd get back to me what with all the other fan mail you would have gotten in prison. I thought if I signed my name 'Roxanne' it would at least get your attention." He stared at her.

"Your name?" he said.

"Is Rachel. Hal I'm so sorry. But now we're in a real relationship and all I know you wouldn't throw it all away over something that small. Can you forgive me?" she asked. His breathing quickened and he started to feel hot. He tested the name out in his mouth.

"Rachel?" he said. His tongue felt thick and heavy as he said it.

"Yeah." She laughed and hugged him tighter, oblivious to his building rage. _Rachel_? He didn't want Rachel!

He stared at the ceiling as his fantasies evaporated. Now he didn't even have a _fake_ Roxanne! All he had was this Rachel slut. He looked down at her naked body and ran his hands over her skin. She moaned.

"Up for round two, babe?" she asked, and flinched when he pinched her breast.

"Ooh yeah." He answered.


	7. Chapter 7

Here it is, Chapter 7. I've been having a bit of writers' block lately not to mention being busy with work :P Don't you hate when life gets in the way of writing? Thanks for all the reviews people!

Update: I just did a little edit of things that I noticed weren't quite right. Ch8 is in the making but damned writers' block persists

Disclaimer: Megamind and Friends are not mine!

Chapter 7

Megamind pulled the invisible car up outside Roxanne Rogers apartment block and stormed up the stairs, de-gun in hand. If he was lucky Hal would be there. If he was gone then Megamind would _make_ the stupid woman tell him where Hal was. He set the barrel to 'de-stroy' and shot at the door lock. Megamind kicked the door in and then slammed it shut behind him.

"Where is he, Roxanne Rogers?" he shouted. There was no answer. All the lights were on in the crappy apartment. The microwave door was open and there was a half-eaten bowl of spaghetti on the coffee table. "Miss Rogers I'm running out of patience!" he shouted and walked through the apartment, kicking in doors as he went. He got to the bedroom and turned the light on.

"Miss Rogers! I demand to…" the words died on his lips.

Her naked, broken body lay sprawled across the bed. Her face was battered beyond recognition and the bed sheet was tangled around her throat with her hands still clutching it in death.

Megamind slumped at the sight of her. _Damn you Hal!_ _And damn me for not getting to you sooner!_ His first ever dead body made his stomach churn uncontrollably. With trembling hands he took out Bernard's old cell phone and dialled the MCPD. He dully gave his code ("Code: Dead body at the Rogers apartment"), looked over at her again and took off his cape. She may have been stupid and naïve but she hadn't deserved this. Megamind draped the black fabric over the girl.

The apartment revealed nothing of Hal's whereabouts but Megamind had a hunch. He got into the car and drove to the industrial precinct where Hal had taken Roxanne and Barbie in the afternoon.

Hal followed the little private road out away from the city in Roxanne's…_Rachel's_ shit-box of a car muttering to himself. He wasn't sure what he was saying most of the time. It was mostly a mixture of 'stupid whore', 'fuck you Roxanne' (which Roxanne he meant he didn't know), and 'gonna get you for this, Megamind!' This was all _his_ fault. Prison. Rachel's death. Roxanne hating him. If it weren't for the blue freak _none_ of this would have ever happened. He would have his revenge tonight though. He glanced at the fuel gage on the dashboard and then at the petrol can he had in the front seat. He hoped he wouldn't have to use any of it just to get to Megamind's house. He barely had enough to do the job as it was.

He killed the headlights of the car as soon as he could see the house, praying he wouldn't drive off the edge of the cliff in the dark. Then he got out of the car and decided to walk the rest of the way.

There were a few brainbots patrolling the grounds but they didn't spot him in his dark clothes. He ducked behind shrubs as he got closer to the house and barely avoided falling into a pond of some sort. The petrol can was getting heavy. He swapped the petrol can over to his other hand and took up the crow bar with the other and then hid in the bushes near the front door as a brainbot, a pink one with spiked fins, hovered past _bowwing_ to itself. It stopped near him, looked left, right and then hovered away. He waited a few minutes until he was sure the coast was clear and ran over to the garage door. Using the crowbar he pried the door open, wincing at every sound, and managed to lift the door two feet off the ground. He pushed the petrol can inside and then rolled under the door himself. He looked around. It was dark and he saw the shape of that stupid flying motorbike. He glared, remembering the fish in the robot suit who rode it, and took the cap off the petrol can.

"I wouldn't if I were you. You've done more than enough damage for one day." Said a deep voice from the darkness. Hal jumped but managed to avoid peeing his pants again.

"Who's there?" He demanded. The lights came on and a huge guy with a beard in the garage with him. Hal blinked.

"Metro Man?" He exclaimed, voice squeaking, before he calmed down and laughed. "Whatever. You already pulled that trick on me once and it didn't work Megamind!" he snarled and swung the crowbar at the giant's head.

BANG! Hal howled and dropped the crowbar, pain shooting up his arm.

"Music Man, actually, it's a long story. Not one for you though." The giant said conversationally, not even flinching from the blow to the head. The crowbar was ruined. Hal glanced down at the petrol can again, wondering if he was fast enough to knock it over, light the match and get out before Metro Man could stop him. "Again, I wouldn't." he said, this time with an edge to his voice. Hal looked up at the man.

"Are you going to arrest me?" he asked. Metro man shrugged and rubbed his beard.

"No. That's not my job anymore. You should go now." He said. Hal stared, unable to believe his luck. He reached for the petrol can.

"Leave that here." The giant suggested. Hal didn't have to be told twice. As Hal got down to roll under the garage door he spoke again.

"Megamind is looking for you. Don't expect the same treatment from him." He said. Hal's lip curled.

"Fucking blue loser. I'm not afraid of him." He spat. "Say 'hi' to Roxy for me. I'll be seeing her soon."

"I doubt it." Metro Man said simply. "And if you're not afraid of Megamind then you're even dumber than you look."

"Go fuck yourself." Hal said and ran away, taking one last look at the huge man. The bulging muscles. Those powers…everything Hal had lost.

One more thing to hate Megamind for.

He ran back to the car and drove for his abandoned car park, the last hideout he had left.

Hal stumbled into the dark opening of the car park past the 'Do Not Enter' and 'Condemned' signs, the car having run out of fuel a mile or two away from his destination. Down and down he went to the lowest level where he had an emergency lair of sorts. He pulled up and eyed it distastefully in the glow of his flashlight. It wasn't fancy. Just a mattress, a few blankets, a bucket and a few days' worth of snacks that he'd stashed down here in case Roxanne/Rachel kicked him out (like she ever would have; the dumb slut had been completely devoted to him!). He took the flashlight out of the glove compartment and got out of the car, exhausted. He needed some sleep. Tomorrow he'd hold up a convenience store and figure out his next move…maybe send Roxy another bunch of flowers…

He took a wizz in the bucket and flopped down on the mattress, his right hand reached under the blanket and felt the cool metal of the object he had stashed there, his meal ticket, and his eyes slowly drifted closed.

"We meet again, Hal Stewart." Megamind's voice rang out in the darkness. Hal jumped and sat bolt upright, heart hammering.

"Megamind!" he called out, trying not to sound afraid. It was just Megamind after all. A skinny, blue, big-headed alien with no special powers or abilities at all…and he certainly wasn't bulletproof. He was no threat on his own.

"Correct." Megamind replied. "We have unfinished business, you and I."

"Can it wait 'til morning? I'm kinda tired." Hal stalled, fumbling for the gun under his blanket and trying to see through the darkness. He flicked the flashlight back on and waved it around but he couldn't see Megamind.

"Ordinarily I'd play this game with you, Hal Stewart. I myself played it for many years with my predecessor. We followed the rules. We consulted on times and dates occasionally. It was a gentleman's game." Hal whirled around when the voice sounded as though it were behind him, but missed him again. "You however are no gentleman. You tried to rape Roxanne Ritchie." He hissed.

"She wanted it deep down."

"You killed Roxanne Rogers."

"_Rachel_ Rogers. She was a fake." Hal saw a flash of blue this time and fired his weapon It clicked. _Shit!_ The safety was still on.

"She was a _person!_" Hal felt a slap at the back of his head and fired again. This time there was a loud 'crack', his hand stung from the recoil and his ears rang.

"_She_ was a brain-dead skank. Your Roxanne is a whore. And you? You're too dumb to realise this is all your fault."

"Pray tell, how do you work that one out?" Megamind asked. Hal screamed, dropped the gun and jumped back when the blue man appeared right in front of him. He stood with his arms crossed, all in black leather with no visible expression on his face.

"You put me up on a pedestal and stole the only thing that mattered to me. Then you rubbed it in my face. You're _marrying_ her? She was mine! And then, oh yeah, YOU LET ME OUT OF PRISON! Stupid retard. How is this not your fault?"

Megamind paused, for the first time unsure of himself. _I made you a hero! You did the fool part all by yourself_, he heard himself say. And it was true. Hal was the fool who squandered the power of the gods. He chose to hurt. He chose to kill.

So why was it so hard to think of something to say?

Megamind did the only thing that came to mind. He lunged forward and grabbed a handful of greasy, ginger curls to bring Hal's head down to meet his knee. Hal grunted and staggered backwards.

"That was for Miss Perkiss, the photographer you hurt." He stepped back into the shadows. Hal straightened and waved the flashlight around again looking for him.

"Come here and fight me like a man you coward."

"I'm a coward? You're the one who beats and rapes women with their hands tied." Megamind commented and stepped into the light again before driving his knee into the man's groin. "That one's for Roxanne. I believe she'd prefer to do it herself but I'm sure she'll forgive me this one time." He took possession of Hal's flashlight and shone it in the man's face. His face streamed blood from the nose and mouth and he was doubled over in pain. Megamind's lip curled and he punched him again, and again, sending Hal stumbling to the floor and curling up into the foetal position. Hands aching and heart racing with bloodlust Megamind glanced down at the gun his boot had just bumped into. It was odd to think that in all his years of villainy he'd never so much as held a traditional firearm. He bent slowly and picked it up. It was heavy and clumsy compared to his de-gun, but he was sure it would do its job adequately if he were to use it.

He so wanted to. It would mean Hal would never be able to hurt anyone again, but how could he do such a thing and still claim the title of 'hero'? Or live with himself afterwards?

To this day Megamind had never killed anyone, even accidently. He wanted to keep it that way.

Instead of shooting the man in the face he tossed the gun aside and stood over the trembling mass of flesh. His own hands shook with fury and he knew he had to do something quickly or he would still be tempted to kill him again. Megamind stepped over to the man's sleeping area, picked up the bucket and dumped the stinking contents over Hal's head.

"That's for your girlfriend." He spat. Hal choked and spat, then Megamind dropped the bucket on his head.

He didn't move anymore after that. After making sure he was still breathing Megamind took his phone out again to call for the police and an ambulance ("Code: I found Hal Stewart"). He flicked the lights of his car on so he could keep an eye on Hal and make absolutely sure he didn't escape this time.

And he didn't. The police were there within twenty minutes or so, followed by the ambulance.

The police took his statement and no mention was ever made of the beating Hal took. Megamind stomach churned at the thought of being accused of brutality and maybe losing his job, but if anything the police seemed sympathetic. Even the ambulance officer looked down at the unconscious man with disdain rather than concern, and then politely inquired as to whether Megamind's hands needed any medical attention. The police taped off the whole carpark and sent Megamind home with words like 'thanks' and 'great job, sir!'

He drove home letting the autopilot part of his brain take over, playing the scene in his head over and over again, each time ending it differently. He killed Hal. Hal fought back, won and went to claim Roxanne as his prize. He felt sick to his stomach, and as he pulled up in his driveway he jumped out of the car and vomited. He hadn't eaten much since earlier on today so he retched repeatedly on nothing. Finally he was able to stand up and wipe his mouth.

"Rough night huh?" a deep voice said from behind him. Megamind managed not to jump.

"You could say that." He said and looked up. The sky was starting to turn silver in the East.

"He's dead then?" Wayne asked. Megamind looked at the man and saw no judgement on his face.

"No. In prison." He answered and slumped to the ground. Wayne sat down beside him.

"I'm proud of you buddy. I'm not sure I could have done that if it was me."

"I beat him up." Megamind admitted. His hands hurt.

"Good for you."

"No it's not! How can I call myself a hero after this? You never hurt me. Well, never any more than you had to." Megamind said. Wayne shrugged.

"You never hurt anyone. If you had things might have been different. I roughed up a few other criminals. _Real_ bad guys."

"Really?" Megamind stared up at the fading stars.

"Yup. We're only human…well not really but you get the idea. We're not perfect. Sometimes we lose it."

"I guess." He said. There was a pause. "Was this all my fault?"

"How so?" Wayne asked.

"I made Hal who he is. He never would have hurt anyone if I hadn't changed him."

"Really? You think he would have just been happy to sit back and admire Roxy from a distance forever? Besides, he's a coward. Blaming you for what he did…that would be like blaming me for that time you put laxatives into the water supply." Megamind laughed in spite of the situation.

"That was a bad time for all concerned. I never thought to have our own backup supply handy." He admitted. Wayne laughed and stood up.

"Cheer up. The day after tomorrow you'll be a married man."

"Yeah."

"It'll get better. Go inside, get some sleep. Shiyounin's throwing you a real party tonight and I am _not_ going to let your moping ruin my night of booze and strippers." He clapped Megamind on the shoulder. Megamind couldn't help but laugh.

"Okay, thanks Wayne." He said and went inside.

He showered, threw his filthy clothes in the washing hamper and climbed into bed.

With Roxanne. She was in a deep sleep. He curled himself around her and breathed in deep with his nose buried in her hair.

Warm, comfortable and knowing she was safe, his eyes began to close.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Megamind stirred when he felt Roxanne leave his arms sometime the next morning. He grabbed her and pulled her back towards him.

"I've got an appointment with the wedding planner." Roxanne protested.

"What about?" Megamind asked. She paused.

"Napkins and silverwear." She confessed.

"Ask Shiyounin to do it. You owe me a sleep-in." he said.

"But…okay." She relented. Megamind activated his communicator watch.

"Minion can you put Shiyounin on?" he asked.

"All right. Hang on. Yes Rei Daddy's coming!" came the strained reply. There was a pause.

"Good morning Mega Mind." She said cheerfully. Megamind glanced down at Roxanne and switched to Japanese.

{{Roxanne has a meeting about napkins. Could you please take care of it?}} he asked.

{{Napkins? Are you serious? I've got two teething children and Minion whinging about not getting enough 'special' attention and you want me to go to a meeting about _napkins?_}} she snapped. _She's a lot more polite in English_, Megamind thought to himself.

{{Just call this wedding planner woman and tell her we want white napkins and silver silverwear. Please?}}

{{Okay okay. You owe me one night of babysitting.}} She warned and broke the connection.

"What did she say?" Roxanne asked.

"She'll go to the meeting and pick something you'll like."

Roxanne smiled and curled into him.

"I'm lucky to have you all. You're so good to me." She entwined her fingers with his and he flinched.

"Wedding business last night, huh?" she said, eyeing the purple bruises and dark grazes on his knuckles that the leather gloves didn't protect him from. He pulled his hand away. _Damn her nosey reporter skills!_

"Yeah…about that…" caught out in his lie he wasn't sure what to say.

"He's in jail then?" she asked, trying not to sound like she cared either way. Megamind smiled, relieved that _she_ at least hadn't asked if Hal was dead.

"He won't get out again." Megamind said. Roxanne exhaled, not realising how much she needed to hear that.

"Thankyou." She said, taking his hand and pressing her lips to it.

"It was a selfish act I assure you. No one's taking you away from me." He said. She tilted her face up and kissed his lips. He gave a happy sigh and returned the kiss, once again unable to believe how lucky he was. Tomorrow he would be _marrying_ her, Roxanne Ritchie, and he got to spend the rest of his life with the woman of his dreams. Megamind reached around and placed his hand on her rear end through her pyjamas and lowered his mouth to her neck, making her giggle.

"Megamind…hey watch those hands, Villain! This sort of activity is _not_ appropriate the day before our wedding." she chided when his hands found her breasts through her tank top.

"Oh isn't it?" he inquired around a mouthful of her neck.

"No." She said. _Self-control, self-control_ she told herself. He knew exactly how to make her squirm. Megamind popped his head back up and she gazed into his gleaming, mischievous green eyes.

"In which case this is just going to be _really_ inappropriate." He said and disappeared under the covers. Roxanne squealed with laughter when she felt him grab her pyjama pants and tug them off.

"Megamind seriously! I mean…" she paused when she felt him press his face between her thighs. She considered making him behave himself for a split second until his tongue found its way to its intended target and she gasped. _Screw 'inappropriate',_ she thought to herself. "Oh hell yeah!" she sighed and moaned when she felt the vibration of his laughter through her skin.

It was almost midday when the couple finally emerged and made their way downstairs. Megamind, dressed in jeans, black Chucks and a hooded jacket (the hood was for show; no hood fitted the brainy ex-villain), left on an unknown errand with a promise that it was nothing dangerous and he would be home in time for pre-party drinks at home.

Roxanne made her way to the refrigerator and peered inside. What she wanted were pancakes. What her diet would allow her to have was an egg white omelette or a tub of yoghurt. She sadly grabbed a yoghurt.

"Miss Ritchie! Ready for the big day tomorrow?" Minion asked cheerfully with Rei in one arm coming into the kitchen. Roxanne smiled.

"I think so Minion. How are you doing?" she asked.

"Oh you know how it is." He glanced down at Rei. She was glaring up at her father from her glass sphere. "She wants Mommy but Mommy's taken Junior for walking lessons. He's almost there." Minion said proudly. Roxanne looked at her aquatic friend. His fins were a little droopy and his eyes were red from lack of sleep.

"How about I watch her for a bit?" Roxanne suggested. Minion laughed and then saw the expression on her face.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. Go have some downtime. I'm sure we can have some fun."

"Well all right." He wasn't going to turn her down. "She needs breakfast and some play time before a nap at about two o'clock. Call me if you need me!" he all but ran out the door. Roxanne chuckled. Poor guy. Roxanne went to the fridge and found a raw chicken leg in a little plastic bag. She held it up and looked at the little fish. "What do you think?" she asked. Rei pulled a face and stuck out her tongue. "Okay…bacon?" she held up a packet. Rei's face brightened and she started bouncing around her sphere. "Bacon it is!" Roxanne opened up the hatch in the top of Rei's sphere and dropped in a few pieces. The little white coi fish bared Minion-style razor-sharp teeth and devoured the meat. Roxanne laughed and watched the little fish, picturing in her head one day her own blue children hungrily munching on bacon. She picked up the sphere. "Come on. You can help me figure out how to dress your Mommy." Roxanne sat down with a pencil and paper trying to design a dress that would hide the majority of her robotic parts while still fitting in with Barbie's silvery outfit. She chatted with the little fish while she sketched, rubbed out, and then sketched again, finally throwing the pencil and pad across the room in frustration.

Out of nowhere Bitey hovered out to grab the flying stationary.

"_Boww_." The brainbot scolded her and dropped the stationary back on the table in front of her.

"Sorry." She said. Bitey turned around in a huff. "Hey wait!" Roxanne blinked.

"_Boww?_" Bitey inquired.

"Where did you get that?" she asked. Bitey, in addition to her custom pink fins, was now sprayed a pearlescent pewter with bright pink pin striping across her rear.

"_Boww?_"

"The spray job. Who did it?" Roxanne asked.

"_Owwboww_." Bitey tried to answer. "_Oww-bod. Iiee-bot_."

"iBot?" Roxanne exclaimed. Of course it would be the custom white-sprayed iPod/brainbot hybrid.

"_Piiiimmpd owwt_." Bitey announced proudly. Roxanne rolled her eyes.

"Uh huh. Can you send him up to see me?" She asked, an idea forming in her head. Bitey _bowwed_ and left. Roxanne looked down at Rei. "I think your Mommy's going to like this."

Megamind sat in the Warden's office. In the Warden's chair. With his feet crossed and up on the Warden's desk. He sat with his trademark smirk in place for when the glowering older man walked in having been notified of Megamind's presence. He stood with his arms crossed.

"Make yourself at home Megamind." He said gruffly. Megamind beamed at him.

"Why thankyou Warden! Have I ever mentioned how wonderful it is to feel so welcome when I visit?"

"Cut the crap Megamind. What do you want? And get the hell out of my chair!" Megamind grinned but did as he was told.

"Can't the city's resident superhero come and visit the finest prison warden Metrosity has ever known socially once in a while. We were so close once."

"That was before your tampering with the city's water supply led to the worst 48 hours of my life." The Warden snapped. Hmm. Ironic. That's the second time someone brought that up in the last twelve hours…clearly that was one of my more successful endeavours, Megamind thought to himself. Megamind stood at the window and gazed down on the prisoners in the exercise yard. There was a fairly lively game of basketball happening with two notable prisoners not joining in. It was as though fate had meant for him to be here, Megamind decided. Alone in a corner sat a brooding Hal Stewart. Sitting on a bench watching the game was old Uncle Abe, in fairly good spirits as he shouted encouragement (and insults) to the various players.

"Mr Stewart appears to be…well present for starters."

"Yes. The city owes you a debt of gratitude." The Warden said in an ironic tone. "The arresting officers informed me at whatever ungodly hour of the morning it was that he'd been captured. He's pretty beat up. _Apparently_ he tripped and fell on his way into the ambulance."

"Yes well these things happen." Megamind said uncomfortably.

"Hopefully they won't make a habit of happening." The Warden suggested. Megamind successfully avoided flinching. Ouch. That was a warning if ever he'd heard one.

"Of course not." He said smoothly. "It is good that he's back behind bars where he can't hurt anyone else."

"Of course it is." The Warden said with narrowed eyes. What was the villain getting at?

"One girl dead. Two hurt. Isn't it fortunate how an escaped convict managed to do this, be apprehended, and it all managed to stay out of the news? It could have been embarrassing if anyone found out about it all. Some might suggest that you're past your prime, Warden." The older man glared.

"_You let him out!_" he shouted.

"Details details." Megamind shrugged. The warden sighed and rubbed his eyes. He had a headache, two really counting the blue man in front of him.

"What do you want?" he asked dully.

"Uncle Abe to be released today." He said. The Warden glared.

"Can't it wait a week?"

"Look at him! He's too old for this. Sort of like you."

"Can it."

"Sorry. Old habits die hard. I also want him in an employment rehab program." The Warden sighed.

"You know the rules. He's too old to qualify. These things run on a tight budget and there's no funding for someone like him."

"But there's plenty of funding to re-arrest him and keep him here for the next five years when he ends up squatting somewhere and stealing to survive isn't there?" The Warden couldn't argue. The system frustrated him too.

"Look. I'll see what I can do. But as of now you're his caseworker."

"Done."

"And you're coming in after your honeymoon to pull your other 'uncles' into line. You wouldn't believe what I found in my mail box last week."

"If you promise not to tell me what it was we have a deal." Megamind held out his hand. The Warden held his gaze for a long moment and then shook his hand.

"Deal." Megamind looked at the older man, his cocky demeanour faltering for a moment. He cleared his throat.

"You…you're coming tomorrow aren't you?" he asked, and then babbled. "I mean, you know what it's like, the old ball and chain wants to know so the seating is in absolute symmetry and I think she wants to set you up with her Aunty Joyce…" he laughed. The Warden looked up at him from his chair.

"Of course I'm coming. I wouldn't miss it for anything." He said. Megamind smiled, and there was an awkward moment until the Warden finally grumbled "Now get out of my office."

Megamind walked back to the car, hands in pockets humming to himself absently when he heard his name being called. He glanced up, hoping to see an uncle or two through the fence but no, it was Hal.

His nose was swollen and he had two black eyes. The look did not do wonders for his appearance.

"Come to gloat Megamind? Come to see me suffer in this hell hole? I hope you're happy now! You've ruined my life!" Hal shouted. Megamind looked at him with mild surprise. The idea of going to see Hal himself had never so much as crossed his mind.

Megamind shrugged and kept walking.


	9. Chapter 9

_Ok once again I apologise for the lack of updates. Work gets in the way of writing doesn't it? I know I need to just hurry up and get to the wedding. I promise it's coming!_

Chapter 9

Megamind stopped by the market on the way home, having decided how he wanted to spend his last night as a bachelor earlier on in the day. He struggled to open the front door and made his way to the kitchen with arms full of bags, dumped them on the kitchen counter, and made his way to the lounge where his friends and family had congregated.

Friends and family. Who would have thought?

Roxanne cuddled Rei in one arm while Shiyounin filled her in on the joys of parenthood. Minion was reminiscing about old times with Wayne while Barbie listened from across the room with a smile. iBot was playing music quietly in the corner with Bitey peacefully sitting and chiming in the occasional 'boww'. Megamind noticed her new spray job and sighed. Now all the bots would want one.

"What's going on here?" he asked.

"Pre-party drinks before we hit the town my man. Shiyounin's got it all worked out for us. Starting at Kelly's Irish Pub, moving onto that bar we were kicked out of last year, then the strip cl…uh, theatre, then there's a club where the owner owes me a few favours. It's going to be fantastic!" Wayne was beaming.

"I still don't see what was wrong with the party I planned." Minion grumbled. Shiyounin looked mournfully at him. "Everyone loves _Jaws_."

"I'll go if you want stay home." Said Shiyounin. Minion glared at her.

"Not a chance. _You're_ on babysitting duty!"

_Perfect_, Megamind thought.

"Actually…I don't feel like going out tonight." He said.

"What?" Shiyounin exclaimed.

"I'm warning you Megamind…" Wayne said with a threatening growl and a red glow in his eyes. Megamind waved his hands at them.

"I don't feel like going out. That doesn't mean _you_ can't. I'll stay home and watch the kids. You all go."

"Are you sure sir?" Minion asked at the same time Shiyounin said "Okay!" and downed the champagne she'd been nursing. Minion looked at his partner. "Who are you?" The shy little coi he'd gotten to know in Japan was long gone. She leaned in close.

{{You'll find out later tonight}} she murmured. Minion blushed and Megamind squeezed his eyes shut. _Too much information! Too much information!_

"Agreed. To the car!" Wayne announced. Two robot fish and the huge bearded man exited the room.

"You make sure you park it somewhere safe at the first bar!" Megamind shouted as they left. He did _not_ need their entire bridal party wrapping the invisible car around a telegraph pole the night before their wedding. Roxanne sat on the sofa watching him. _What is he up to?_ She wondered. Megamind looked to Barbie who hadn't moved.

"Go on Miss Perkiss, you too." He said.

"That's okay I think I'll just go home." She mumbled, not meeting his eyes. Roxanne chuckled to herself. Megamind hatched an evil plot.

"You really should go with them. Two fish and an alien on a night out alone, who knows what could happen?"

"Alien?" she repeated.

"Of course. He came from the planet basically next door to mine. Maybe you could help him out? Let the girls see past the potential tentacles or retractable organs?" he suggested. Roxanne was staring at him like he'd gone mad. Barbie, however, was looking far more enthusiastic. _An alien! A single, lonely and attractive alien with a potential Disneyland of possibilities in his pants._ All of her nerd fantasies were coming true.

"Hey wait up guys!" she called and followed them out. Megamind glanced at Roxanne.

"I hacked her computer. It was work-related." He answered her unspoken questions.

"Of course. That explains everything." She said dryly. Minion Junior walked past them, stumbled, and fell on his robotic rear end. Suddenly the room was filled with an ear-splitting squeal.

"Holy sh-, uh, what's that noise?" Megamind flinched and held his hands over his ears. Roxanne ran over and picked Minion Junior's sphere up out of his suit and cradled him in her arms. The noise continued.

"Minion installed a super-sonic amplifier in the light fitting so I'd be able to hear when they cried since I offered to babysit this morning." Roxanne explained. No wonder she was looking a bit frazzled. The noise was joined by a second even higher-pitched whine from Rei who was now sitting neglected on the couch. Roxanne passed Junior in his heavy suit to Megamind and picked up Rei. "So why didn't you go out?" she shouted over the noise.

"I wanted to stay home and cook you dinner." He said, starting to regret his decision.

"What?" Roxanne shouted over Rei's screams. She rocked the fish gently but the screaming kept going.

"I'm making you dinner!" Megmaind shouted.

"Huh? Hang on a sec. Rei needs a water change." She said. Megamind spied a floatie in her sphere and glanced down. Junior had one too. _Great._

Megamind set to work making dinner with the kids in bouncy seats watching _Piranha_ giggling their little fishy heads off, and Roxanne passed out on the couch. Surely it couldn't be that hard…

An hour later, a few minor burns and a few stressful minutes fanning the smoke detector with a dishcloth praying to the Cooking Gods that it wouldn't go off later, Megamind put the sleeping kids inside their sleepover tank. He made sure the water temperature was set right and turned off the light.

"Goodnight, screaming fish children." He whispered. Junior smiled sleepily and shut his eyes.

"Sir." Rei announced. Megamind smiled. _Did she just…nawww_. He glanced speculatively at the napping Roxanne with her flat stomach and hips with so much potential. One day…one day...

Then again the peace and quiet was quite nice now. He brought the plates out of the kitchen and set them on the coffee table.

"Roxanne? Wake up." He shook her awake. Her eyes snapped open and she automatically put her hand up to her mouth to wipe up the little trail of drool that had formed there. Megamind pretended not to notice. As he always did. "Dinner."

"Dinner?" she looked at the coffee table and her mouth fell open. "Megamind? _You_ did this?"

"I am a genius." He said, pouring a rather large glass of white wine for both of them. He passed her a plate with a few pieces of garlic bread on it.

"That's not on my diet." She said, dismayed. Megamind glared at her.

"You're eating. You are not going to lose or gain any weight before tomorrow. The diet is over." The smell wafting from the plates broke her will power.

"Okay okay." She bit into it hungrily and picked up the bowl of pasta. _Carbs! Oh how I've missed you!_ She wolfed down a forkful.

"This is fantastic Megamind!" she said around a mouthful of creamy pasta, bacon and mushrooms. He grinned. The hard work had been worth it.

"I figured with Minion's hands full and us getting married one of us should learn to cook." He said.

"I can –" she stopped at the look he was giving her. "Okay I can't. To your newfound cooking abilities!" she raised her glass.

_To locating your lost curves_, Megamind thought and clinked his glass against hers.

Roxanne stepped into the kitchen and instantly regretted her offer to wash up. The kitchen was stacked bench top to ceiling with pans, spoons and leftover ingredients. She looked around the kitchen, dismayed, until she spied Bitey powered down in the corner. She tapped its pink dome. It _bowwed_ and blinked its red eye, taking in the mess. It went to hover away.

"Come on, help me out please?" Roxanne begged. It shook its head. "Come on. For Mommy?" It shook its head again. "I'll take you and get your arms chrome-plated." Roxanne tempted the brainbot. Bitey tilted its head to the side, considering.

"Boww." It said and started scraping the plates. Roxanne smiled. There were some advantages to being engaged to a super villain who specialises in robotics. Feeling happy and completely full for the first time in a couple of months Roxanne stood watching her husband-to-be from the entrance to the lounge with a smile on her face. He was muttering as he typed something into his keypad.

"If this fish doesn't stop drunk-texting me I'm going to drain the pond."

"Shiyounin?" Roxanne guessed.

"No. Minion. I think I liked him better before he met her, she's a bad influence on him." Roxanne smiled and sank down into his lap straddling his legs. She kissed him slowly and gently at first before parting her lips and drawing him in deep. His hands wandered up her back and pressed her close to his body and she smiled into his lips. She broke away and stroked his head gently.

"So…bed?" she invited with a smile. He smiled ruefully and held her waist.

"Um…actually I'm going to sleep in the workshop tonight." He said. Roxanne blinked.

"What? What's wrong? Is it the garlic?" she held her hand over her mouth, mortified. He'd never, _ever_ turned her down before. He laughed and kissed her again.

"Not at all. I just…want to save myself for tomorrow night is all."

"Ohhh." Roxanne said. He was sweet. She was disappointed (being in the mood for action tonight) but she backed off. "Well I'm going to hit the sack early, I'm getting up at six tomorrow ." Megamind blinked.

"The wedding isn't until four."

"The girls and I are heading to the spa to start beauty treatments."

"Of course you are." He said simply. He'd stopped asking questions about the wedding. The answers usually just produced more questions (_like what the hell does a fish in a robotic suit get done at a day spa? A salt and seaweed scrub?_)

Roxanne settled into the cool bed with her arm resting on the spot where Megamind was missing from. It didn't feel right, just as it hadn't felt right after they had fought a few nights before.

Megamind watched her walk upstairs and sighed. One night. One night of self-imposed isolation before a lifetime spent with the love of his life. He took himself off to his workshop vowing that this would be the last time he ever slept there.


End file.
